- Flanders: Welcome, neighbors. Since the police can't seem to get off their dufferoonies to do something about this burglarino, I think it's time we started our own neighborhood watch... eroony!
- Homer: (approaching a man playing a sax) Hey, buddy. Where'd you get that saxophone?
- Man: Sears.
- Homer: Get him!
- Chief Wiggum: (at the bottom of a large hole searching for the money) NO, no, Dig UP Stupid!
- Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charge that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down 80%, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking 900%.
- Homer: Oh people can come up with statistics to prove anything Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that.
- Bart: Dad...we've been robbed!
- Lisa: Wake up, Dad, wake up! There was a burglar and he took my saxophone!
- Homer: Woo-hoo!
- Bart: And our portable TV!
- Homer: D'oh!
- Marge: And my necklace!
- Homer: Ehh, that's no big loss.
- Marge: Homer, that necklace was a priceless Bouvier family heirloom!
- Homer: Oh, you've probably got a whole drawer full of 'em.
- Marge: Well, yes I do. But they're all heirlooms too!
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