Lisa the Iconoclast
Homer the Smithers
The Day the Violence Died
Mr. Burns: You call this a super computer?!

Smithers: I've got to find a replacement who won't outshine me. Perhaps if I search the employee evaluations for the word incompetent. 714 names? Better be more specific. Lazy, clumsy, dim-witted, monstrously ugly. [the computer still displays 714 names] Ah, nuts to this. I'll just go get Homer Simpson.

Homer: I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I am around.
Lisa: You know, Dad, assisting Mr. Burns could give your career a real shot in the arm!
Marge: (just entering the dining room) You know, Homer, assisting Mr. Burns could give your career a real shot in the arm!
Lisa: Mom, I just said that!
Marge: Sorry! Next time, get your own darn corn!

Mr. Burns: Good Lord, Smithers! You look atrocious! I thought I ordered you to take a vacation.
Homer: Uh, Smithers already left, sir. I'm his replacement, Homer Simpson.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? Very well, I will have my lunch. A single pillow of shredded wheat, some steamed toast, and a dodo egg.
Homer: But I think the dodo went extinct...
Mr. Burns: [interrupting] Get going! And answer those phones, install a computer system, and rotate my office so the window faces the hills!

[Mr. Burns is driving dangerously through town while learning to drive his car]
Mr. Burns: I can't believe it. [swerves to the right] All my life, I've avoided doing things for myself. [hits a fire hydrant] But I'm actually enjoying this. [hits a garbage can] Plus, I'm making incredible time. [honks the horn twice and drives on a lawn, narrowly avoiding two ladies] Beep! Beep! Out of my way, I'm a motorist.
[He knocks over a mail box and streetlight, narrowly missing Jasper Beardly and Chief Wiggum.]
Chief Wiggum: Uh, that's some nice reckless driving, Mr. B!

Mr. Burns: No, Homer, You've already done more for me than any man. Your brutal attack forced me to fend for myself. I realize now that being waited on hand and foot is Okay for your average Joe, but it's not for me.

[Smithers asks Homer to transfer the call to Mr. Burns - his mother is on the line. Homer, however, hits the Disconnect button, forcing him to impersonate Mrs. Burns very badly.]
Mr. Burns: Ahoy-hoy?
Homer: Hello, Mr. Burns? This is your mother!
Smithers: (whispering) Noooooo!!!
Mr. Burns: Gahhhhhh. Oh, hello, Mater! Um, sorry about pulling the plug on you and all, who could have known you'd pull through and live for another five decades? Oh, is my face red!
Smithers: (exasperated, but trying to keep his voice down) Mrs. Burns is 122 years old, so try to sound more desiccated! And she doesn't call her son Mr. Burns!
Homer: Son, this is Mrs. Burns! I just called to say I don't love you! You are a bad son, Monty... [Homer is interrupted by Mr. Burns, who is watching from behind]

Homer: (to Mr. Burns) Here are your messages: You have thirty minutes to move your car, you have ten minutes, your car has been impounded, your car has been crushed into a cube, you have thirty minutes to move your cube. (the phone rings) Y'ello, Mr. Burns's office.
Mr. Burns: Is it about my cube?

Season 6 Season 7 Quotes Season 8
Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)Radioactive ManHome Sweet Homediddly-Dum-DoodilyBart Sells His SoulLisa the VegetarianTreehouse of Horror VIKing-Size HomerMother SimpsonSideshow Bob's Last GleamingThe Simpsons 138th Episode SpectacularMarge Be Not ProudTeam HomerTwo Bad NeighborsScenes from the Class Struggle in SpringfieldBart the FinkLisa the IconoclastHomer the SmithersThe Day the Violence DiedA Fish Called SelmaBart on the Road22 Short Films About SpringfieldRaging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"Much Apu About NothingHomerpaloozaSummer of 4 Ft. 2