“You have joined the Sacred Order of the Stonecutters, who, since ancient times, have split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth. Now let's all get drunk and play ping-pong!”
When Homer notices that Lenny and Carl are enjoying unexplainable privileges at the nuclear plant, he investigates and discovers that they’re part of an ancient secret society known as the Stonecutters. When he tries to join, he learns that, in order to gain membership, one must either be the son of a Stonecutter or save the life of a Stonecutter. While extolling the Stonecutters at the dinner table, he discovers that his father is a member, and is admitted.
After the painful and humiliating initiations required to join the Stonecutters, Homer takes great pleasure in the Society's secret privileges, such as an underground byway past Springfield's traffic jams, and the Society's drinking bouts. Unfortunately, during a celebratory rib dinner with his fellow Stonecutters, he unwittingly uses the society’s Hallowed Sacred Parchment as a napkin, tissue, and ear cleaner, destroying it. He is stripped of his Stonecutter robes, which include official underwear, as part of his punishment. It is discovered that Homer has a birthmark in the shape of the Stonecutter emblem identifying him as “The Chosen One” who, it was foretold, would lead the Stonecutters to greatness.
Homer is crowned in a scene that parodies The Last Emperor, and is, perhaps quite fittingly, reminiscent of the film adaptation of Rudyard Kipling’s “The Man Who Would Be King”. However, Homer’s reign ultimately drives away the other Stonecutters, who form a new society, The Ancient Mystic Society of No Homers, headquartered in an abandoned Baskin-Robbins ice cream parlor. As one might expect, Homer is not allowed to join. (Another man named Homer — Homer Glumplich — does join, but note that the society's name refers to Homers [plural]; as such, they are allowed one.)
Finally, Marge tells Homer that the only club he belongs to is his family, and they subject him to some extreme hazing and paddling as a faux initiation.