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◄	Bart the Lover

Homer at the Bat

Separate Vocations

Jose Canseco is walking by a burning house when he hears a baby crying.
Woman:		My baby!
José Canseco:		Don't worry, ma'am, I'll save your baby!
José Canseco runs into burning house and emerges with baby.
Woman:		Thank you!
Cat mewling is heard.
Woman:		My cat!
José Canseco:		Never fear, ma'am, I'll save your cat!
José Canseco runs into burning house and emerges with cat.
Woman:		Thank you Mr. Canseco!
"Camptown Races" is heard.
Woman:		My player piano!
José Canseco:		Oh, man!

Springfield Hospital. Dr. Hibbert is using a Geiger counter on a sick Mike Scioscia.
Dr. Hibbert:		Er, Mike, try to lift your arm.
Mike Scioscia:		Can't... lift arm... or speak... at... normal... rate
Dr. Hibbert:		Now son, it looks like you have acute radiation posioning.
Mike Scioscia:		Will... I... be.. able.. to.. play... softball... tomorrow?
Dr. Hibbert:		(laughs) No, by tomorrow you'll barely be able to breath!
Mike Scioscia:		Oh... man...
Nurse:		Doctor, come quick! Ken Griffey, Jr. needs your help immediately; it looks like an overdose of nerve tonic.
Dr. Hibbert sees Ken Griffey, Jr. in a wheelchair with an enlarged cranium.
Dr. Hibbert:		Oh my lord, gigantism!

(Wade Boggs is arguing in Moe's Tavern with a drunken Barney Gumble)
Barney:		And I say England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs:		Pitt the Elder!
Barney:		Lord Palmerston!
Boggs:		Pitt the Elder!!
Barney:		Okay, you asked for it, Boggs!
Barney knocks Boggs out
Moe:		Yeah, that's showing him, Barney! Heh, Pitt the Elder.
Barney:		Lord Palmerston!!!
(Barney knocks Moe out too)

Mr. Burns:		No, Smithers, I've decided to bring in a few ringers. Professional baseballers. We'll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "3-Finger" Brown...
Smithers:		Sir?
Mr. Burns:		What is it, Smithers?
Smithers:		I'm afraid all those players have retired and... passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years.
Mr. Burns:		Damnation! Alright, find me some good players. LIVING players! Scour the professional ranks. The American League, the National League, the Negro League!

(Don Mattingly returns to the field wearing a mohawk hairdo after Mr. Burns asked him to shave off his sideburns, which never existed in the first place.)
Mr. Burns:		Mattingly! I thought I told you to trim those sideburns! GO HOME!!! You're off the team, FOR GOOD!!!
Don Mattingly:		Fine! (to himself:) I still like him better than Steinbrenner.

◄ Season 2	Season 3 Quotes	Season 4 ►
Stark Raving Dad • Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington • When Flanders Failed • Bart the Murderer • Homer Defined • Like Father, Like Clown • Treehouse of Horror II • Lisa's Pony • Saturdays of Thunder • Flaming Moe's • Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk • I Married Marge • Radio Bart • Lisa the Greek • Homer Alone • Bart the Lover • Homer at the Bat • Separate Vocations • Dog of Death • Colonel Homer • Black Widower • The Otto Show • Bart's Friend Falls in Love • Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

Homer at the Bat/Quotes