Marge: Oh, Lisa, another religion? You know, you'll just drop the whole thing at college when you get a Jewish boyfriend.
Homer: Marge, I'm going to a hardcore gay club and won't be home until three in the morning!
Marge: Have fun!
(Bart enters Lisa's room and finds her surrounded by crosswords)
Bart: Ay carumba!
Lisa: Bart, I've fallen in love with crosswords.
Bart: It finally happened. You've gone completely fruit loops.
Lisa: Fruit loops! That's the answer to 38 down! (Writes in one of the crosswords) Toucan's delight.
Bart: No, I mean you're loco in the cocoa.
Lisa: Cocoa! (Writes in another crossword) Ice rink drink.
Bart: You're losing it!
Lisa: Losing it! (Writes in a crossword again) Risque '80s teen flick.
Bart: Fine. Go nuts. see if I care.
Lisa: Eye care. Optician's concern. Oh, thanks for your help, Bart. Bart... San Francisco people mover! (Writes in a crossword once more)
Bart: Speaking of San Francisco people mover. (Scene cuts to Homer in a Gay club)
Lisa: Dad, I know this is crazy, but did you plant a message to me in the New York Times crossword puzzle?
Homer: Well, I had a little help from this guy.
[Will Shortz and Merl Reagle appear]
Lisa: (gasps) New York Times crossword editor Will Shortz and master puzzle constructor Merl Reagle!
Merl Reagle: I actually wrote that crossword.
Will Shortz: And I edited it. Now get back to crosswording!
Merl Reagle: (dejected) Yes, sir.
Superintendent Chalmers: I'm a bit of a crossword head myself. They help me relax after a day of having to deal with...Skinner!
Principal Skinner: You called?
Superintendent Chalmers: Made reference.
Principal Skinner: My mistake.
[After Lisa loses the crossword puzzle tournament]
Lisa: Oh, I blew it again.
Homer: She blew it again! Woo-Hoo!
[The bartender approaches Homer with a large tray of money]
Bartender: (disdainfully) Here's your money, soaked in your daughter's tears.
Homer: You know for a bartender-bookie, you're awfully judgmental.
(Homer goes to the school with a present trying to make Lisa happy)
Homer: Lisa! Lisa? (Lisa walks by him) Lisa, sweetie! Please look at your daddy.
Lisa: You stopped being my daddy as soon as you bet against me! All I have now is a mom, which is why I'm taking her maid name! For now on, I'm Lisa Bouvier! (Shows him a book with Lisa Simpson Bouvier Written. Homer gasps)