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- Rich Texan: If you're gonna vote, we'll need some photo ID.
- Homer Simpson: But I've lived here all my life!
- Rich Texan: Stoppin' all Americans from votin' is for the protection of all Americans.
- Homer: But I'm a 40-year-old white guy who didn't go to college and who gets all his news from monitors at gas stations.
- Homer: Barack Obama? I don't know. I've already got one wife telling me to eat healthy. Plus, he promised me death panels and Grampa's still alive.
- Homer: Mitt Romney? I hear he wears magic underpants. I expect the leader of the free world to go commando. Plus his horse totally choked at the Olympics. On the other hand, he did invent ObamaCare.
- Voting computer: Thank you for voting for Mitt Romney. You may now see his tax return.
- Homer: [after being sucked into a tube] Oh, I hate being sucked into tubes! [Homer goes through the tube to China] Well, at least I've got a steady job! [Ned Flanders comes through another tube] D'oh!