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The Real Housewives of Fat Tony
Homer Scissorhands
500 Keys
Selma: I can't believe I'm saying this, Homer Simpson, do me.
(Homer thinks she wants to have sex with him and is about to cut his head off)
Selma: I meant my hair!
Homer: Oh. (Sighs in relief)

Patty: Whoa! Who undid my do?
Ned: I didn't do diddily, and certainly not squat.

Homer: (gasps) One hundred dollars?! Marge, how much is that in smackeroos?
Marge: One hundred.
Homer: Woo hoo!

Marge: Well, Newsweek Magazine did say it's good to change careers, right after they laid off all their editors.

Lisa: Why would a popular fifth grader like Taffy be interested in a Milhouse like Milhouse?
Bart: I don't know. It's one of those mysteries, like how do my clothes get clean and put back in my drawers?

Homer: Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius cannot be stopped!

Hans Moleman: (Lisa catches him and Lunchlady Doris at Holding Hands Point) We're just trying to put our relationship back together.
Lunchlady Doris: In the sack, he's Salsbury steak. Everywhere else, creamed corn.

Marge: Ooh, Homie, you're making my toes curl. You sure know how to please a woman.
Homer: (chuckles) As long as it doesn't involve losing weight or changing my pants.

Marge: Homer, thanks to your unlicensed barbery, Patty and Selma have been getting compliments all day at the DMV.
Grampa: You two look good. Open-casket good!

Lindsey Naegle: I hear this is the home of Springfield's hottest hairdresser. I need a haircut, and I need it in three, two, one, now.
Homer: Lady, I'm not a hairdresser. I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.

Bart: (jumps in front of Lisa as she paints) I jumped in front of your picture! Now it's ruined!
Lisa: Bart, this isn't a photograph. I'm not gonna just paint you into my--
(sees that she has painted in Bart)
Lisa: Aah! You just ruined six months' work!
Bart: I'm really sorry it wasn't a year! (cackling)
Lisa: Augh! You're gonna regret the day you were born!
Bart: I already do. It's too close to Christmas.

Selma: You did this? With your fat fingers and your brain the size of a superball?
(fade to cross-section of Homer's head, showing his brain bouncing around until it comes out his ear and bounces away)
Homer: And stay out!

Milhouse: So, Lisa, I love you. Is that love "requited" or "un"?
Lisa: I'm sorry, but I don't love you, Milhouse, and I never will.

Taffy: I thought that was beautiful.
Milhouse: You did?
Taffy: Yeah. It was romantic and it rhymed.
Milhouse: Well, I used a rhyming dictionary, but it only gives you options. The job of the poet is to say, "This one, I guess."

Homer: All day long, they tell me stupid, pointless, boring stories, and I have to stand there listening with a phoney grin plastered on my face.
Moe: (with a phoney grin plastered onto his face) Uh-huh.

(After Taffy abandons Milhouse)
Milhouse: You don't want me to be with you, you don't want me to be with someone else. How miserable do I have to be before you're happy?
Lisa: Milhouse, I, I-- (groans)
(Lisa kisses Milhouse)
Milhouse: Lisa, does this mean you like me?
Lisa: Yes. No! I don't know! It means that... that life is full of unexpected things and you should never give up. And you're cute in the moonlight.
Milhouse: Aah! (falls off mountain, but "rescued" by eagle) Everything's coming up, Milhouse!

Sideshow Mel: (announcing who enters the Policemen's Ball) Doctor and Mrs. Julius Hibbert! Mr. Discotheque Stuart, unaccompanied!
Disco Stu: My girlfriend isn't feeling well tonight.
Sideshow Mel: Krusty the Clown and Disco Stu's girlfriend!


Season 21 Season 22 Quotes Season 23
Elementary School MusicalLoan-a LisaMoneyBARTTreehouse of Horror XXILisa Simpson, This Isn't Your LifeThe Fool MontyHow Munched is That Birdie in the Window?The Fight Before ChristmasDonnie FatsoMoms I'd Like to ForgetFlaming MoeHomer the FatherThe Blue and the GrayAngry Dad: The MovieThe Scorpion's TaleA Midsummer's Nice DreamLove is a Many Strangled ThingThe Great SimpsinaThe Real Housewives of Fat TonyHomer Scissorhands500 KeysThe Ned-liest Catch