Simpsons WIki

Homer Scissorhands/Quotes

< Homer Scissorhands

18,618 articles being
edited here
Add New Page
Add New Page Talk0
The Real Housewives of Fat Tony
Homer Scissorhands
500 Keys
Selma: I can't believe I'm saying this, but, Homer Simpson, do me!
(Homer thinks she wants to have sex with him and is about to cut his head off)
Selma: I meant my hair!
Homer: Oh. (Sighs in relief) 

Patty: Who undid my do?
Ned: I didn't do diddley, and certainly not squat.

Homer: (Gasp) One hundred dollars? Marge, how much is that in smackeroos?
Marge: A hundred.
Homer: Woo hoo!

Marge: Well, Newsweek says it's good to change careers, right after they laid off all their editors.

Lisa: I don't get it. Why would a popular fifth grader like Taffy be into a Milhouse like Milhouse?
Bart: I dunno. It's just one of those mysteries, I guess. Like how do my clothes pick themselves up from the floor and fold themselves into my drawers.

Homer: Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius cannot be stopped.

Hans Moleman: [Lisa catches him and Lunchlady Doris at Holding Hands Point] We're just trying to rekindle our relationship.
Lunchlady Doris: In the sack, he's Salsbury steak. Everywhere else, creamed corn.

Marge: Oh, Homer, you make my toes curl. You really know how to please a woman.
Homer: As long as I don't have to lose weight or change my pants.

Marge: Homer, thanks to your unlicensed barbery, Patty and Selma have been getting compliments all day at the DMV.
Grampa: You two look good. Open-casket good!

Lindsey Naegle: I hear this is the home of Springfield's hottest hairdresser. I need a haircut, and I need it in 3-2-1 now!
Homer: Lady, I'm not a hairdresser, I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.

Bart: (Jumps in front of Lisa as she paints) Ha-ha! I ruined your painting!
Lisa: Bart, this isn't a photograph. I'm not going to paint you just because...
(Sees that she has painted in Bart)
Lisa: Augh! You just ruined six months' work!
Bart: Gee, I'm really sorry... it wasn't a year!
Lisa: You're going to regret the day you were born!
Bart: I already do. It's too close to Christmas.

Selma: You did this? With your fat fingers and brain the size of a superball?
(Cut to cross-section of Homer's head, showing brain bouncing around until it comes out his ear and bounces away)
Homer: And stay out!

Milhouse: Lisa, I love you. Is that love requited or un?
Lisa: I'm sorry, Milhouse, but I don't love you and I never will.

Taffy: I love your poem. It was romantic, and it rhymed.
Milhouse: Well, I used a rhyming dictionary, but it only gives you options. The job of the poet is to say, "this one, I guess."

Homer: All day long it's boring, endless talk, and I have to stand there with a phoney grin plastered on my face.
Moe: (phoney grin plastered on face) Uh-huh.

(After Taffy abandons Milhouse)
Milhouse: You don't want me to be with you. You don't want me to be with someone else. how miserable do I have to be before you're happy?
Lisa: Milhouse, I... I... Argh [She kisses him]
Milhouse: Lisa, Does that mean you like me?
Lisa: Yes. No! I-I don't know! It means that... that life is full of unexpected things, and you should never give up! and you're cute in the moon light.
Milhouse: (Falls off mountain, but "rescued" by eagle) Everything's coming up Milhouse!

Sideshow Mel: (announcing who enters the policeman's ball) Dr. and Mrs. Julius Hibbert! Mr. Discoteque Stuart unaccompanied!
Disco Stu: My girlfriend isn't feeling well tonight.
Sideshow Mel: Krusty the Clown and Disco Stu's girlfriend!

Season 21 Season 22 Season 23
Elementary School MusicalLoan-a LisaMoneyBARTTreehouse of Horror XXILisa Simpson, This Isn't Your LifeThe Fool MontyHow Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?The Fight Before ChristmasDonnie FatsoMoms I'd Like to ForgetFlaming MoeHomer the FatherThe Blue and the GrayAngry Dad: The MovieThe Scorpion's TaleA Midsummer's Nice DreamLove is a Many Strangled ThingThe Great SimpsinaThe Real Housewives of Fat TonyHomer Scissorhands500 KeysThe Ned-liest Catch

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki