- Lisa: Mom, Bart's making faces at me.
- Bart: It's a nervous twitch, and I'm a little sensitive about it, if you don't mind.
- Bart resumes making faces.
- Lisa: Mom! Bart is still making faces at me!
- Car arrives at Springfield Elementary.
- Marge: (deep, possessed voice) Get...OUT!
- Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Homer and his coworkers are watching news of the traffic pileup in the employees' lounge.
- Scott Christian: The Springfield Causeway has been backed up by a motorist who blocked both lanes and refused to move. We believe this is the action of a stressed out housewife.
- Homer: Those stories always crack me up. What is the matter, sweetheart? Not enough getting enough of the good stuff in the bedroom?
- Car window rolls down, revealing the motorist as Marge.
- Homer: D'oh!
- Marge is booked for causing the pileup
- Policewoman: sweet tone All the gals on the force knew just how you felt.
- Marge: That is good to hear. Could you please loosen these handcuffs?
- Policewoman: curtly No.
- Chief Wiggum: Don't worry, Mayor Quimby. This little bird will be cracking rocks by the end of this week.
- Mayor Quimby: Wiggum, you glorified night watchman, let her go.
- Chief Wiggum: But she broke the law!
- Mayor Quimby: Thanks for the civics lesson. Now you listen to me, if Marge Simpson goes to jail, I can kiss the chick vote goodbye. And if I go down, you're going to break my fall!
- Chief Wiggum: Word to the wise, Quimby. Do not write checks your butt cannot cash!
- City Hall. Mayor Quimby is at a podium with Marge
- Mayor Quimby: on microphone I hereby declare this to be Marge Simpson Day.
- Audience: YAY!
- Mayor Quimby: off microphone to bodyguard They're like trained seals. Throw a fish to them and they will clap.
- Radio: This is Coma - WKOMA, restful, easy listening. Coming up next, a super set of songs about clouds.
- Troy: I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such movies as "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" and "Gladys the Groovy Mule." But today you'll see me in my greatest role - your video tour guide to Rancho Relaxo!
- Marge: Thanks again for taking the children while I'm away.
- Selma: Don't worry yourself.
- Patty: We've got six months of maternity leave we're never going to use anyway.
- After arrest, where Marge had been convinced by Homer to surrender to the police on account of he will work out whatever problems she had. Now they are in their bedroom.
- Homer: Well, all is well that ends well.
- Homer falls asleep, Marge gives her signature annoyed grunt. Unable to sleep, she watches TV. A commercial shows a Spanish conquistador exploring land.
- TV Commercial: Many years ago, Spanish conquistadors explored this land. They found: the Rancho Relaxo.
- Conquistador is then shown doing activities such as playing tennis with 20th Century women. He is then shown drinking a margarita in a Jacuzzi and covering his eyes with his helmet to keep out sunlight.
- TV Commercial: We have many activities. Swim, play tennis, or just sit and stare at the walls. At Rancho Relaxo, you are the boss.
- Marge jostles Homer awake.
- Marge: I need to unwind.
- Homer: I know you do, Marge, but come on, you know what our vacations are like. Those three monsters in the back seat: "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" And let's face it; I'm no day at the beach either: "Marge, can I have another sandwich? Marge, can I have another sandwich?"
- Eddie: She's locked in the car and refuses to move.
- Chief Wiggum: Did you flash your lights?
- Eddie: Yes.
- Chief Wiggum: Well, I'm fresh out of ideas.
- Arnie: This is Arnie Pye with Arnie in the Sky. We've got big problems on the Springfield Memorial Bridge, people. Traffic going waaaay back in both directions. And look out at the corner of 14th and Elm, because I just dropped my bagel.
- Before Homer takes Marge to the train station for her vacation, he takes the kids to Patty and Selma's. However, Maggie is being fussy with Marge.
- Marge: Maggie does not want to leave the house.
- Lisa: Wish I had thought of that one.
- Marge: Looks like only Lisa and Bart will be staying at their aunts' house. Homer, you are going to have to watch over Maggie.
- Patty: Probably will trade her for a beer and a Playboy.
- Selma: Come on kids! Time to rub Aunt Patty's feet!
- Bart and Lisa shudder
- Selma: Lisa, you sleep with your Aunt Patty. Bart, you sleep in my bed.
- Selma departs room
- Bart: Oh my goodness!
- Lisa: You think you know fear? I have seen them naked!
- Bart quivers in shock
- Homer: Hey Barney, thanks for coming over. I am sorry we could not go out but I have to look after the baby while Marge is gone.
- Barney: No problem Homer, I can hold her for a bit.
- Barney cradles Maggie.
- Barney: Uh oh! I smell a stinky! Oh wait...it is me.