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Homer's Triple Bypass/Quotes

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< Homer's Triple Bypass

Episode
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Credits
Lisa's First Word
Homer's Triple Bypass
Marge vs. the Monorail







Homer: (Using the bed lifter) Bed goes up, bed goes down. Bed goes up, bed goes down. Bed goes up, bed goes down...
(In Lisa's imagination, of Homer in heaven)
Homer: (Using a cloud as a bed) Cloud goes up, cloud goes down, cloud goes up...







Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a...car of some sort, heading in the direction of...you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Homer: Ooh, oatmeal, what a delightful treat! Aw, there's a bug in it.
Marge: No there isn't.
Homer: Trust me. (starts eating bacon)
Bart: Dad, there's a bug on that.
Homer: Meh.

Homer: I keep hearing this irregular thumping noise.
Gas Station Attendant: It's your heart, and I think it's on its last thump!
Homer: Whew, I was afraid it was my transmission. (drives off.)
Kid: Where's he going?
Gas Station Attendant: You remember that old Plymouth we just couldn't fix?
Kid: We're going to sell him to Mr. Nikopopolous?!
Gas Station Attendant: You're a dull boy, Billy.

Mr. Burns: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating...Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! [cackles evilly, then stops abruptly] There is a poison one, isn't there, Smithers?
Smithers: Err...no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
Mr. Burns: Damn their oily hides!

Mr. Burns [to Homer]: Relax, Simpson. I just brought you in here for a friendly hello...
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down ]
Mr. Burns: ...and goodbye! You're fired!
Homer: [gags; heart speeds up]
Mr. Burns: But, wait. Perhaps I'm being too hasty. You are highly skilled...
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Mr. Burns: ...at goofing off!
Homer: Aaargh! [heart beats faster]
Mr. Burns: Now don't worry, Homer. You're the kind of guy I could really dig...
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Mr. Burns: ...a grave for!
Homer: Aaargh! [heart beats even faster]
Mr. Burns: Your indolence is inefficacious!
Homer: [stares blankly; heart beats normally]
Mr. Burns: That means, you're terrible!
Homer: Aarrggghh! [suffers a heart attack and collapses]

[Marge, Patty and Selma are clipping discount coupons]
Patty: Buy three tubes of Mister Blister, get one free.
[The phone rings and Marge answers it]
Marge: Hello. Yes? Oh my Lord!" (hangs up) Homer's in the hospital, they think it's his heart! [rushes off]
Patty: Oh my God!
Selma: What?
Patty: Five cents off wax paper!
Selma: [slaps her cheek in amazement]

(While watching a glowing Homer behind an X-ray)
Dr. Hibbert: Now Mrs. Simpson, what you see here is the radioactive dye we injected into your husband's bloodstream.
Nurse: But doctor! I haven't injected the dye yet!
Dr. Hibbert: Good Lord!

Homer: Woo hoo! Look at that blubber fly!

Dr. Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
Homer: Say it in English, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: You're going to need open heart surgery.
Homer: Spare me your medical mumbo jumbo.
Dr. Hibbert: We're going to cut you open, and tinker with your ticker.
Homer: Could you dumb it down a shade?

Dr. Hibbert: I must warn you though, this procedure will cost you upwards of $30,000.
Homer: Aaarrrggh! (collapses)
Dr. Hibbert: I'm afraid it's now $40,000.

Marge [to Homer]: Don't you have a health plan at work?
Homer: We used to, but we gave it up for a pinball machine in the lounge.
Marge: D'oh!

Homer: Oh, Doctor, I was in a wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone and there were all guys in red pajamas sticking pitchforks in my butt!

Homer [to Reverend Lovejoy]: Now I know I haven't been the best Christian. In fact, when you're up there yak-yak-yaking, I'm usually either sleeping or mentally undressing the female parishioners. Anyway, can I have $40,000? [Reverend Lovejoy's eyes widen]

Homer [to Rabbi Krustofsky]: Now I know I haven't been the best Jew, but I have rented Fiddler on the Roof, and I will watch it. Anyhoo, can I have $40,000?
Rabbi Krustofsky: Hmm?

Bart: Any luck, Dad?
Homer: No, but the rabbi gave me this. [spins a dreidel]
Bart: What is that?
Homer: Son, it's called a droodel.

Bart: Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
Lisa: We feel neither highs or lows.
Homer: Really? What's it like?
Lisa: Ehh. [shrugs]

Homer [to Flanders]: What are you in here for?
Flanders: I'm having a kidney and a lung removed.
Homer: Who are you donating them to?
Flanders: First come, first served.

Dr. Nick: Hi, everybody! I'm Dr. Nick Riviera.
PA: Doctor Riviera, Doctor Nick Riviera. Please report to the coroner immediately!
Dr. Nick: The coroner. I'm so sick of that guy!

Flanders: Dear God, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks and "Sweating to the Oldies" volumes 1, 2, and 4.

Grampa: They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I have never fully understood why. Frankly, I can see an upside to it!

Dr. Nick is watching footage of heart surgery
Surgeon: And so we make the incision in the coronary artery...
Magentic static sweeps over footage of surgery
Talk Show Host: And we are back with more of People who Look Like Things.
Generic talk show music is heard as audience applauses guests, to include one with a head like an adding machine, one with a head like a palm tree, one with a head like a broom, one with a head like a jack o'lantern and one with a head like a coffee pot. Guests sit next to the objects they resemble.
Dr. Nick{talking to himself}: Oh no, no! Someone taped over the end of this!
Pumpkin Guest: All we ask is to be treated dignity and respect.
Talk Show Host: And a new candle now and then?
Pumpkin Guest: Yes, and a new..
Pumpkin Guest{enraged}: NO!
Audience bursts into laughter, Pumpkin guest sinks back into seat enraged.
 

----

Homer: And Lisa...
Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)
Homer: I guess this is the time to tell you...
Bart: (whispers into Homer's ear)
Homer:...that you're adopted and I don't like you..... BART!

Dr. Nick: Hi, everybody!
Crowd: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Dr. Nick: If something should go wrong, let's not get the law involved!

Moe: Now let's have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend, Homer Simpson.
Barney: How long has it been?
Moe: 6 seconds.
Barney: Do we have to start over?
Moe: Hell, no.

Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
Customer: Give me some jerky.
Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?
Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure.

Nurse: Doctor, do you not know what to do?
Dr. Nick: Come on Nick, think back to medical school.
Flashback. A younger Nick is putting the moves on a college coed at a kegger.
Nick: I swear to you baby, I can prescribe anything.
Return to present.
Dr. Nick: I know I'm supposed to cut something, but what? [removes his surgical mask] And where?
Lisa: [from the amphitheatre] Hey! The incision should be made below the blockage! Below!
Dr. Nick: Thanks, little girl!

Dr. Nick: The knee bone's connected to the something. The something's connected to the red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.

Lisa: All right, Dad!
Bart: You rule intensive care!
Season 3 Season 4 Quotes Season 5
Kamp KrustyA Streetcar Named MargeHomer the HereticLisa the Beauty QueenTreehouse of Horror IIIItchy & Scratchy: The MovieMarge Gets a JobNew Kid on the BlockMr. PlowLisa's First WordHomer's Triple BypassMarge vs. the MonorailSelma's ChoiceBrother from the Same PlanetI Love LisaDufflessLast Exit to SpringfieldSo It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip ShowThe FrontWhacking DayMarge in ChainsKrusty Gets Kancelled

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