- Marge: Homer, why aren't you at work?
- Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today. I am at work.
- Marge: You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren't you?
- Homer: That's crazy talk. You're crazy, Marge. Get off the road!
- (Bart notices that the factory has collapsed)
- Bart: Ah, jeez. Milhouse, how could you let this happen? You were supposed to be the night watchman!
- Milhouse: I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over.
- Bart: Wow. Wonder where all the rats are gonna go?
- (Dozens of rats run out from under the rubble and into Moe's Tavern)
- Moe: Okay, everybody tuck your pants into your socks!
- Frank Grimes: If lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago.
- Bart: He's got you there, Dad.
- Grimes: You're a fraud, a total fraud. (To Marge and the kids) Was nice meeting you.
- Grimes: I have had to work hard everyday of my life and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase and this haircut! And what do you have to show for you lifetime of sloth and ignorance?
- Homer: What?
- Grimes: Everything! A dream house, two cars, a beautiful wife, a son who owns a factory, fancy clothes, and (sniffs) lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No!
- (Homer is about to unwittingly drink a beaker of sulfuric acid when Grimes smashes it out of his hand, causing it to dissolve a wall)
- Grimes: You idiot! You almost drank a beaker full of sulfuric acid!
- Homer: Acid, eh? Jeez, that would have been stupid! (laughs) Wow, would my face have been red! (laughs again)
- Grimes: Stop laughing, you imbecile!! Don't you realize how close you just came to killing yourself?!
- (Mr. Burns, walking by, notices the damaged wall)
- Mr. Burns: Who did this to my wall?
- Homer: (points at Grimes) He did.
- Mr. Burns: Is this true?
- Grimes: Well, uh, technically it is true, sir, but...
- Mr. Burns: (coldly) Come with me.
- Homer: (whispering to Grimes) He likes you.
- Moe: As hard as it is to believe, some people don't care for me, neither.
- Homer: (shakes head) No, I won't accept that.
- Moe: No, it's true. I got their names written down right here, in what I call my, uh, "enemies list".
- Barney: (takes the list from Moe and reads it) Jane Fonda, Daniel Schorr, Jack Anderson... Hey, this is Richard Nixon's enemies list! You just crossed out his name and put yours.
- Moe: Oh, (writes down) Barney Gumble.
- Grimes: (points at Homer) That's the man who's in charge of our safety? It boggles the mind!
- Carl: It's best not to think about it.
- Mr. Burns: Smithers, I've just seen the most heroic dog on television. He pulled a toddler from the path of a speeding car, then pushed a criminal in front of it. Find this dog. I want to make him my executive vice president.
- Smithers: Uh, yes sir. In the meantime, here's Frank Grimes. (Grimes offers his hand, but Mr. Burns just stares at him blankly) The, the self-made man?
- Mr. Burns: What? Oh, yes, that fellow. Mmmm, put him somewhere out of the way, and find that dog!
- Grimes: Oh, that's my degree in nuclear physics. I'm sure you all have one.
- Lenny: Oh yeah, Carl and I each have a masters. Of course, old Homer, he didn't need a degree. He just showed up the day they opened the plant.
- Homer: I didn't even know what a nuclear panner plant was.
- Homer: (to Grimes, who's walking by) Hiya Stretch, what's the good word?
- Grimes: My name is Grimes, uh, Simpson, Frank Grimes. I took the trouble to learn your name, so the least you could do is learn mine.
- Homer: Okay, Grimey.
- Grimes: Simpson, you've got a 513. (Homer looks at his watch) No, a 513. In your procedures manual - a 513? (Homer looks at his watch again) Look at your control panel.
- Homer: Oh, a five THIR-teen. I'll handle it. (He calmly takes out a bucket of water and pours it on the console. Causing it to short out and silences the alarms) That got it.
- (Grimes looks on in horror)
- Grimes: (talking about Homer) God, he eats like a pig!
- Lenny: I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.
- Carl: [to Grimes] You new?
- Grimes: Yes. My name is Frank Grimes.
- Lenny: I'm Lenny. This is Carl and Homer. I'm Lenny.
- Grimes: How do you do?
- Homer: [picks up one of Grimes' pencils, spilling the rest onto his desk] Wow, you've got pencils with your name on them -- just like a pencil company executive. I'd give anything for one of these.
- Grimes: [tugs the pencil back out of Homer's hand] Any office supply company can have them made up for you.
- Homer: Can I have this one? [tries to tug it back]
- Grimes: No.
- Homer: Can [thinks] Lenny have it? [tries it again]
- Grimes: No.
- Grimes: I'm sorry, isn't that …
- Homer: Yes, that's me, and the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford…..And this is when I was on tour with the Smashing Pumpkins…..Oh! And here's a picture of me in outer space.
- Grimes: You? Went into outer space? You?
- Homer: Sure. You've never been? Would you like to see my Grammy award?
- Grimes: No! I wouldn't!
- Lisa: Can I go downstairs and see what Dad's doing?
- Marge: I wouldn't bother him, honey. He's making some sort of model for a contest. He says it's really high-tech stuff that we wouldn't understand.
- Homer: (opens basement door) Marge, do we have any elbow macaroni and glue-on sparkles?
- Martin: Behold, the power plant of the future, today!
- Mr. Burns: Yuck! Too cold and sterile. Where's the heart?
- Martin: But it really generates power. It's lighting this room right now. (Turns a knob on his model, causing the auditorium lights to dim and come back on.)
- Mr. Burns: You lose, get off my property!
- (At the children's nuclear power plant contest)
- Mr. Burns: (to Homer) Could you explain your model, young man?
- Grimes: (from audience) What's to explain? He's an idiot!
- Lenny: Pipe down!
- Bart: [leaning out the window of his factory] Hey, Milhouse! You want a job in my factory?
- Milhouse: You don't a have a factory.
- Bart: Hey, I'm a busy man. You want a job or not?
- Milhouse: Okay! [runs up to join Bart]
- Grimes: Can you believe that guy? He's in his office making a pathetic attempt to look professional.
- Carl: Hey, what do you got against Homer, anyway?
- Grimes: Are you kidding? Does this whole plant have some disease where you can't see that he's an idiot? Look here. [points out a chart tacked to the bulletin board] Accidents have doubled every year since he became safety inspector, and, and meltdowns have tripled. Has he been fired? No. Has he been disciplined? No, no.
- Lenny: Eh, everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils.
- Carl: Yeah, Homer's okay. Give him a break.
- Grimes: No! Homer is not okay. And I want everyone in this plant to realize it. I would die a happy man if I could prove to you that Homer Simpson has the intelligence of a 6-year-old.
- Lenny: [to Carl] So, how are you doing?
- (Ralph submits a Malibu Stacy Dream House to the nuclear model contest)
- Mr. Burns: Hot tub? Media room? It's supposed to be a power plant, not Aunt Beulah's Bordello! Thank you, get out. NEXT.
- Chief Wiggum: Eh, Ralphie, get off the stage sweetheart.
- Grimes: But this was a contest for children!
- Lenny: Yeah, and Homer beat their brains out.
- Grimes: Oh, I, I can't stand it any longer. This whole plant is insane. Insane, I tell you! Daahh! Aaah! [runs out of the auditorium, and into an equipment room] I can be lazy too! [takes his tie off, and moons one of the technicians] Look at me! Hi, I'm a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! [waddles into the break room like a penguin, cross-eyed, and grabs two donuts from the box] Ooh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds! [eats in an exaggeratedly slobbish fashion] [heads into a bathroom; from the bathroom] I'm peeing on the seat. Give me a raise! [emerges from the bathroom and waves his hands in Homer's face] Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands. But it doesn't matter, because I'm Homer Simpson! [runs to Homer's work station and spins around in the chair] I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me. D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! [slaps forehead on each "D'oh!"]
- Homer: Hey, you okay, Grimey?
- Grimes: I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson.
- Homer: [chuckles] You wish.
- Grimes: [notices Mr. Burns has walked in] Oh, hi, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster. [walks up to some dangerous-looking wires] What's this? [reads sign] "Extremely High Voltage." Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp-- [he grabs the cables and is zapped to death] [everyone watching cringes]
- (At Grimes's funeral, Homer is sleeping.)
- Homer: Change the channel, Marge!
- (Everyone laughs)
- Lenny: That's our Homer!