|He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs||
- (Mr. Burns is at the mall, next to a fountain)
- Mr. Burns: Hello, what do we have here?
- (notices a penny at the bottom of the fountain)
- Mr. Burns: But, why would I need another penny, when I have billions? Although, maybe I should take it to keep it out of the hands of that hoodlum over there.
- (Ralph is now visible, licking an ice cream cone, not realizing that the ice cream has dropped to the ground)
- (Bart's class enters a Krusty Burger on the way back to school from a field trip)
- Milhouse: Principal Skinner, why did we have to leave the Touch and Learn Reptile House so early?
- Principal Skinner: Because somebody was riding the giant tortoise naked.
- Otto: It wasn't my fault, the drinking fountain dared me to do it.
- (A helicopter attempts to rescue Lionel Richie after the private jet crashes into the water)
- Helicopter Pilot: Mr. Richie, your American Music Awards are weighing you down. Let them go!
- Lionel Richie: You let yours go!
- Helicopter Pilot: I don't have any.
- Lionel Richie: Of course you don't! (laughs smugly)
- Mr. Burns: Why do I need another penny? I have billions. Still, if I don't take it, that hoodlum over there might.
- Homer: Oh, what's the point of putting my socks on? I'd just have to take them off again a week later.
- Marge: Homer, you smell like Chicago. Did you fly there in a commercial airline?
- Homer: No way. Commercial is for losers and terrorists. I flew in a private plane.
- Marge: Wow, is it much different from normal plane?
- Homer: Please, tell me you’re joking. It’s the difference between champagne and carbonated pee.
- Colby Krause: Homer, here in the bowling alley, you're a totally different man. Relaxed, confident...
- Homer: Is this going somewhere?
- Colby Krause: What we have to do is figure a way to make "Bowling Alley Homer" into "Everyday Homer".
- Lenny: I have an aunt who became an uncle. Is it like that? (After some awkward silence, Lenny wanders off) I want you to wear those bowling shoes out the door and everywhere you go. It's crazy, but it just might work!
- Homer: Dr. Frederick J. Waxman, you're a genius!
- Colby Krause: That's not my name.
- Homer: I wasn't talking to you.
- (Homer arrives home after his first day on the "new" job)
- Marge: So, how was your first day at your new job?
- Homer: Oh, it was great! Flew to Tulsa on the company jet. Did my job in a way consistent with I what I already told you. (nervously) Because that's what you do...when you have a job.
- Lisa: I'm so proud of you, Dad!
- Homer: Stop peppering me with questions!
- Mr. Burns: (to Homer) Now let's enjoy the Miami of Canada: Chicago!
- (When Homer pays a private jet pilot)
- Homer: Okay, so this should be enough money to get me up in the air, have a frank talk with Marge, then maybe eat a deviled egg.
- Pilot: Well, anything for a fellow Marine.
- Homer: (salutes) Yeah, Semper fudge.
- Pilot: Uh, did you just say "Semper fudge"?
- Homer: No, I said the right thing.
- Mr. Burns (to Homer): You saved my life! There must be something I can do for you.
- Homer: (thinks) A cookie! No, a car! No, a cookie!
- Mr. Burns: You're getting a free dinner.
- Homer: (gasps)
- Mr. Burns: With...
- Homer: Yeah?
- Mr. Burns: ...Me!
- Homer: Me? But that's you!
- (When Homer takes the control of the jet)
- Marge: Homie, what are you doing? You don't know how to fly!
- Homer: I drove a car over a cliff once! How different could it be? (looks out through the windshield) Hmm, what's the ocean doing in the sky?
- (After Bart catches Homer at Krusty Burger instead of his "new" job)
- Homer: I couldn't bear to tell your mother, so I hang out here all day.
- Bart: But, Dad, you gotta tell her. She's been buying brand-name groceries.
- Homer: Brands like "Miser's Choice" and "Day-Old Delights"?
- Bart: No, things rich people buy, like Campbell's Soup and Pepsodent.
- (When Mr. Burns takes Homer out for dinner)
- Mr. Burns: So, Simpson, I hear you like pizza pie.
- Homer: I do! My favorite is Chicago deep-dish.
- Mr. Burns: Chicago, eh? Well, what if I took us there now?
- Homer: Drive to Chicago? I don't have time for that. I have to be back at work by Monday and my boss is a total jerk.
- (While Homer is at Krusty Burger)
- Homer: One small coffee, please, and a bunch of those placemats with the mazes on them.
- Jeremy Freedman: They're all the same maze.
- Homer: Somebody's gotta do 'em.