Otto: It wasn't my fault, the drinking fountain dared me to do it.
(A helicopter attempts to rescue Lionel Richie after the private jet crashes into the water)
Helicopter Pilot: Mr. Richie, your American Music awards are weighing you down. Let them go!
Lionel Richie: You let yours go!
Helicopter Pilot: I don't have any.
Lionel Richie: Of course you don't! (laughs smugly)
Mr. Burns: Why do I need another penny? I have billions. Still, if I don't take it, that hoodlum over there might.
Homer: Oh, what's the point of putting my socks on? I'd just have to take them off again a week later.
Marge: Homer, you smell like Chicago. Did you fly there in a commercial airline?
Homer: No way. Commercial is for losers and terrorists. I flew in a private plane.
Marge: Wow, is it much different from normal plane?
Homer: Please, tell me you’re joking. It’s the difference between champagne and carbonated pee.
Colby Krause: Homer, here in the bowling alley, you're a totally different man. Relaxed, confident...
Homer: Is this going somewhere?
Colby Krause: What we have to do is figure a way to make "Bowling Alley Homer" into "Everyday Homer."
Lenny: I have an aunt who became an uncle. Is it like that? (After some awkward silence. Lenny wanders off.) I want you to wear those bowling shoes out the door and everywhere you go. It's crazy, but it just might work!
Homer: Dr. Frederick J. Waxman, you're a genius!
Colby Krause: That's not my name.
Homer: I wasn't talking to you.
(Homer arrives home after his first day on the "new" job)
Marge: So, how was your first day at your new job?
Homer: Oh, it was great! Flew to Tulsa on the company jet. Did my job in a way consistent with I what I already told you. (nervously) Because that's what you do... when you have a job.