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There Will Be Buds
Havana Wild Weekend
Dad Behavior

Kirk: Okay, voltures... uh... Okay, um...
H. K. Duff: Forget it! I'm out.
Kirk: Uh... Vultures, almost every kid wears a retainer, and that is not cool! (shows Milhouse's braces) But this retainer is a de-lamer. As it turns this grill from blah to bling! (puts a golden retainer on his mouth with "MILHOUSE" written on it)
Simpson family: Ooh!
Homer: Oh Now that's a Milhouse I'd marry!

The Rich Texan: Kirk, when I started digging for oil, I came up dry for twelve years! Then I had my yee-haw moment and realized I needed to drill in Texas instead of my home state of New Hampshire.
Lindsey Naegle: Well, I'm very interested. I'll offer you three hours of my precious time for ninety of your company. Too late! Ninety five.
Kirk: (whispering to Milhouse) We're not gonna do any better than that.
Milhouse: I don't know, Dad.
Kirk: Of course you don't know. You're just a kid!
Milhouse: I may be a kid, but this was my idea!
Kirk: Hey, you need a ride home, don't you?
Mr. Burns: We've heard enough. (activates a trapdoor)
Kirk: (yelling while falling on a pit) Thank you for the opportunity!

Homer: (laughs) I love seeing people I know fail! (giggles) Do you want a beer, son? Uh!? There's a stain! Did that dumb dog pee on the rug?
Lisa: Dad, it's not fair to blame the dog. Blame the dumb animal who's supposed to walk him: Bart!
Bart: I did walk him. Didn't I, boy? (Santa's Little Helper starts chewing his own leg)
Homer: Chewing your leg is not a yes, I learned that in a real estate deal.
Grampa: Oh, it wasn't the dog. I went on the rug. (the family gasps)
Marge: Grampa, is everything all right?
Grampa: I'm eighty six years old and I'm falling apart like toast in a dishwasher.
Marge: Oh, you poor man. Sit down here and relax! (puts a newspaper under Grampa's place on the couch)

Homer: Geez Dad, you really have lost a step. Can't you at least enjoy Shark Tank? I mean, Vulture's Nest?
Marge: Grampa, don't worry. We're paying the finest nursing home in town. They'll know what to do!

Retirement Castle receptionist: We have no idea what to do. We specialize in keeping seniors from bothering their families, then gently releasing them just before death. God bless, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: I've been paying you off and on for years and there's no way you can help?
Retirement Castle receptionist: We do offer free transportation to the next stage.

Chief Wiggum: That's shameful, shoving poor old people out on the street. This place is for the mentally ill! (releases the Crazy Cat Lady from the back of the police cruiser)
Crazy Cat Lady: (gibberish) Hey! What are you...
Chief Wiggum: Uh... Get better! (drives away)

Marge: Grampa, you're a veteran of every branch of the service! The V.A. hospital will help.
Lisa: Aren't those hospitals the ones they called "America's shame"?
Homer: A lot of things are America's shame, honey.

Doctor: Oh Well, don't worry, the veteran's administration will take care of this proud warrior. I can see him in five minutes... (Homer and Marge sigh) twenty three years from now. (salutes him)
Veteran: Hey soldier! Are you looking for high quality health care at no cost? I know the place.
Grampa: Tell it to me in an anecdote.
Veteran: Years ago, I saw action in the Bay of Pigs.
Homer: Bay of Pigs, eh?

Homer: Hmm... History.

Veteran: Those Cuban doctors patched me up good, and for a lot less!
Grampa: How much less?
Veteran: Well, what costs two thousand here, costs six bucks there! (a footnote says "This is true. Everyone head for Cuba.")

Marge: Cuba sounds a little dangerous. Why don't we try Canada?
Grampa: I don't want to go there, now that that commie Trudeau is in charge. We're goin' to Cuba!
Homer: You got it, Dad. Nurse, cancel our appointment!
Nurse: I'm sorry, there's a fee if you don't cancel within 24 years.
Homer: D'oh!

(a seagull grabs the sausage from Homer's hotdog)
Homer: D'oh!

Marge: We can have plantains! They're like bananas you have to cook. Yum.
Grampa: Cooked bananas are too hard for me to chew.

(another seagull grabs the bread from Homer's hotdog)
Homer: D'oh!

Lisa: Well, don't forget Cuba's vibrant jazz scene!
Homer: Lisa, thanks for the warning. Despite what she says, this trip will be fun!

Customs officer: Now, there are twelve types of visits to Cuba that are legally permitted. U.S. business...
Homer: Next.
Customs officer: Professional research...
Homer: I don't know what either of those words mean.
Customs officer: Educational activities...
Homer: Those words I know and hate.
Customs officer: Family visit...
Homer: Is there a VIP entrance to this place?
Customs officer: Religious activities...
Homer: (laughing) God, no!
Customs officer: Public performances...
Homer: Never!
Customs officer: Mistook us for Aruba...
Homer: Is that that weird lettuce?
Customs officer: Here to smuggle cigars...
Homer: You guys have cigars?
Customs officer: Fell off a fishing boat...
Homer: Many times, not today.
Customs officer: Transmission of information...
Homer: Who wants to know?
Customs officer: Really love Gloria Estefan...
Homer: Getting warmer.
Customs officer: And the last one is journalistic activity.
Lisa: I'm a journalist! I'm doing an article for my school paper. Here's one of my scoops. (shows a class newspaper to the agent)
Customs officer: Hmm.... You're in.

Bart: Whoa! You can make money playing dominoes? Come on Grampa, let's take these guys!
Grampa: I don't like dominoes. With my cataracts, everything's a six.

Cuban doctor: I am so sorry., there is, uh... Nothing I can do. All I can offer is this, uh... Festive shirt. (puts a shirt on Grampa)
Grampa: I don't like the way the birds are looking at me!
Cuban doctor: Relax, viejo. (whispering to Marge) Return the shirt after he, you know (whistles)

Marge: (groans) We took an exotic island vacation for nothing!

Grampa: Oh my God! Where have you been all these years? (looks to an old car) Now this is a car! Razor sharp fins, little triangle windows that weren't good for nothing, and a front seat you could fit all your newborn babies on!
Car owner: Would you care to go for a ride? (shows Grampa the keys)
Grampa: (enters the car) Car keys that don't go bloopity-bloop! I'm home!

Car owner: You, my friend, just had a Cuba-gasm.

Homer: Oh, thank you! You've taken my dad back to a simpler time, when our only worry was being obliterated by nuclear weapons.
Car owner: It is the car! All our American cars were built before ninety sixty. And studies show that exposure to objects from your youth can help you feel young again!
Homer: What studies? Are they peer reviewed?
Car owner: You know what they are? A professor, Ellen Langer, did a study where seniors exposed to culture from the fiftys became more vigorous and engaged. They even engaged in heavy petting!
Marge: There's heavy petting?

Lisa: Wow, that's the first time I've seen him get a woman's attention without flatlining.

Homer: Okay, so let me get this straight. This paladar is a restaurant, but it's in a home?
Marge: That's right.
Homer: So I don't have to do the dishes?
Bart: You don't do the dishes at home.
Homer: Never discuss family business in front of the Cubans!!

Bart: Gracias. ¿Cómo estás tú? (Thanks. How are you?)
Lisa: Bart, you're using informal Spanish with someone who's not a family member!
Bart: Ay, Caramba!

Homer: Quiet, you kids! I'm watching Castro. All the best world leaders have beards: Him, Santa Claus, and every time he says "collective farming" I take a drink!
Fidel Castro: Recientemente, viajé a una granja colectiva. (recently, I travelled to a collective farm.)
Homer: Gracias! (drinks)

Bar Costumer: Trescientos extra pesos por la hermosa camarera. (Three hundred extra pesos for the beautiful waitress.)
Isabella: Yo no salgo con clientes. (I don't go out with costumers.) Another El Presidente cocktail, Señor Abraham?
Grampa: I don't remember telling you my name!
Isabella: You did. In fact, you were so charming, I want to hook up later. Not for money, but for nylons and chocolate.
Grampa: (chuckles) Hey, Macarena! For me, that's a topical reference.

McGrath: Why don't you let me buy this round, Abe?
Grampa: Wheels McGrath?! I knew you in the Air Force! I haven't seen you since you dropped that A-bomb off the forklift!
McGrath: Yeah, remember when it just kept rollin' and rollin'? (they laugh) Oh, you're looking good, Abe.
Grampa: Cuba's great! It's like Florida before all the Cubans came.

McGrath: Listen, there's a place I want to take you. What do you say? For old times' sake?
Grampa: Yeah, why not? Keep my tab open, Isabella.
Isabella: I hope I see you again, Abelito.
Grampa: You will, I never go anyplace new.

McGrath: There she is, the most hijacked plane in history. All you had to say was your kid wanted a pair of wings and you were in the cockpit.
Grampa: I remember their motto: "Skyhawk Air: Nobody try to be a hero".

McGrath: It's all ready to open as a nightclub, Abe. All we have to do is clean it up and hack a fifty foot wide path to civilization!
Grampa: Couldn't we just burn a path?
McGrath: No, I'll do the hacking, I'll do that. All I need is a front man and a partner.
Grampa: You expect me to give you the money I was gonna leave to Homer? Okay, I'm in!

(Grampa enters the Hotel room)
Homer: It's about time! We leave at two!
Grampa: You leave at two! I'm staying here.
Homer: Dad, you can't stay in Cuba.
Grampa: For the first time in years I feel young and healthy, and I found love! Don't you want those things for me?
Homer: But I can't even leave you in the park without you losing your wallet in a bush.
Grampa: It was an investment!

Homer: I'd like to speak to your black ops. department.
US. Embassy employee: Right downstairs, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: Thank you. Hmm... How did they know my name? (a drone flies over Homer)

Black Ops dept. employee: Quiet! This could take a while. Bam! Got him! Now you have to do a favor for us. How many baseball players can you sneak home with you?
Homer: Well I have to ask my wife, but I'd say twelve.
Black Ops dept. employee: Bam! Done!

Grampa: Do you know any good people?
McGrath: Everyone's got their embarrassments, Abe. I'm sure you got yours.
Homer: Dad!
Grampa:And up he walks.

Isabella: (whispering) Abe, come with me to the cockpit.
Grampa: Are we gonna fly or make love?
Isabella: You will sit there, move nothing, and do as I say.
Grampa: Hot dog! Makin' love!

Cuban 1: The nightclub is flying away!
Cuban 2: Can't we hold on to anything?

Grampa: Boy, I didn't think I'd ever be able to do this again!
Isabella: All you have done is fly without falling asleep.
Grampa: Just like on my honeymoon. I'm starting to suspect you're not a simple Cuban bartender.
Isabella: No, I'm an undercover agent for the CIA here to recapture fugitives from U.S. law. And when I saw you, I realized you'd be the perfect carcass to tempt these old buzzards.
Grampa: (sputters) Is there anything I get out of this?
Isabella: Yes, you avoid the knockout gas.
Grampa: (reliefed) Aww...

Homer: Oh, thank God. Usually I can never sleep on planes. Sometimes I hi... (passes out)

Grampa: So, that's the end of my Cuban paradise. And like every good thing in my life, I've already forgotten it.
Grampa: Listen dad, I know it was fun, but your place is with us, not on some island in the Indian Ocean. I love you! (they hug each other and start sobbing)
Grampa: Now we're two men hugging. This is no sight for the streets of Miami! (they both continue sobbing)

Season 27 Season 28 Quotes Season 29
Monty Burns' Fleeing CircusFriends and FamilyThe TownTreehouse of Horror XXVIITrust But ClarifyThere Will Be BudsHavana Wild WeekendDad BehaviorThe Last Traction HeroThe Nightmare After KrustmasPork and BurnsThe Great PhatsbyFatzcarraldoThe Cad and the HatKamp Krustier22 For 30A Father's WatchThe Caper ChaseLooking for Mr. GoodbartMoho HouseDogtown