|Halloween of Horror||
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- Lisa: Why are you locking up the house?
- Homer: (scared) Wha...? (heavily breathing) Why does anything happen? Why are blue jeans blue? Who invented haircuts? (laughs) It's all just stuff I'm saying!
- Homer: Mariachi skeletons? They're spooky, but they also teach you about Mexico.
- Dickie: Pst! Hey bog man! What about this deal? You buy one for me in cash and I'll load three more into your car for free!
- Homer: That is a great deal!
- Dickie: Just don't tell old man squishee about it.
- Homer: Hmm... (he pays the employee and they take the skeletons outside. Homer talks to Apu) You got some great guys working here! They just gave me a really good deal!!
- Apu: (suspicious) Really? Tell me of this deal.
- Homer: Okay, but don't tell Old Man Squishee about it. (whispering) We hate him.
- (Lisa gets scared at the halloween horror night and hugs Homer)
- Lisa: I wanna go home! I wanna go home!!
- Bart: What? No! We just got here!
- Homer: Lisa, honey, I think you should stay. And not because the tickets were super expensive, even though they were suuuper expensive. But remember, you were really looking forward to the fun of being scared by stuff you know isn't real. Unlike the money I spent on this, which is very real.
- Lisa: Okay, okay. I'll give it another try!
- Dickie: Can't hide forever, thumb-head. Sooner or later, you're gonna have to buy Thanksgiving decoration, and we'll be waiting by the Indian corn. (they start breaking stuff in The Simpsons' house)
- Homer: (Hiding on the attic with Lisa) Oh, no, now they're trashing our stuff. Oh, they've tangled up my wind chimes! How will I know when the wind is blowing?
- Lisa: (groans) I hate this, I hate feeling afraid.
- Homer: Maybe I shouldn't admit this to my daughter, but I'm scared, too, but you can't let fear shut down your brain, because between the two of us, we've only got one good one.
- Lisa: I've got it. What if we use these decorations to signal for help?
- Homer: You're right. I may not be the smartest dad or the bravest or the smartest, but I am great at one thing: Drawing attention to our home!
- (Homer realizes that the employees are inside their house)
- Homer: Okay, okay, intruders in the house, intruders in the house, got to call the cops, where's my cell phone? (sees the empty charger) They took my cell phone! (grabs the phone) And they forgot to pay my phone bill!!
- (Homer takes Lisa outside to escape the intruders)
- Lisa: Wait, why are we going to Mr.Flanders' house?
- Homer: (nervous) Oh, you know, to see his kids. I want to finally find out which one is Rod and which one is Max.
- Lisa: (gasps) Tailee! I left him inside!!
- Homer: Ooh... D'oh!
- (Homer gets the three pop-up employees fired)
- Dickie: (quietly to Homer) You're gonna be real sorry for getting us fired.
- Homer: Well, I'm sorry now.
- Dickie: Yeah, you're gonna be!
- Homer: I said I'm sorry now.
- Lem: We said you're gonna be!
- Homer: I know when I'm sorry, and I'm sorry now! (sighs) You guys don't know me at all.
- Flanders: Are you heading up to the treehouse to tell three horrifying tales?
- Homer: Oh, we're doing it next week.