Homer: [blowing fire] AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! WATER! [Bart brings a bottle to Homer] Ugh... Oh, thank you... [drinks it, and then realizes that it's lighter fluid]
Homer: [blowing fire] WHY -- YOU -- LITTLE--!!! [grunts while strangling Bart] BURN, BARTY, BURN! [roaring and blowing fire at the strangled Bart]
Homer: (watching Bart and Lisa at school) My son is a loser, and my daughter is a loner. Way to go, Marge!
Marge: It feels like a sauna in here. (sees sign over door reading "Springfield Saunas") It is a sauna! It must have been put here by a previous owner. This house is full of surprises, but this is the first one that's pleasant.
Marge: Here, Homer. Have some beets. I boiled all the red out of them.
Homer: Oh, I can still taste undercurrents of pink!
Lisa: Here, dad. Maybe this will help.
Homer: It feels like food, but it has no flavor whatsoever! What is it?
Lisa: Mac and cheese from the school cafeteria. The blandest food known to man.
Lisa: Dad, if I join a clique, I'd become someone I hate.
Homer: Lisa, our country was founded by a clique, the Continental Congress. :Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
Lisa: Those are good examples.
Lisa: Dad, I don't want to hurt people.
Homer: Very well. I guess you don't need this big girl book.
Lisa: I'm a big girl! I'm a big girl!
Homer: I'm a good father to both my children. (to Maggie) Well, hello there. Who do you belong to?
Homer: Black Hawk Down! Black Hawk Down!
Oscar Wilde: Homer, there are only two tragedies in life: One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Homer: But that makes no sense.
Oscar Wilde: Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes.
Homer: Shut up!
Oscar Wilde: These days, man knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.