|Every Man's Dream||
- (Homer started sleeping at the Nuclear Plant after Marge threw him out of the house)
- Lenny: Poor guy, Living at the plant.
- Carl: And yet he's still late!
- (Homer tries to call Marge, but Selma answers the phone)
- Selma: Hello Homer. Marge is getting ready for a date!
- Homer: (sad) Marge? On a date?
- Selma: Yep! But I'll make you a deal: I'll try to save your marriage if you can guess which one I am.
- Homer: Patty?
- Selma: Wrong! (hangs up on Homer, who starts crying)
- (Homer is putting his bags on his car's trunk to leave the house while Marge and the kids watch him)
- Lisa: What's going on here?
- Homer: (crying) Nothing! (pretends to be happy) Everything's fine! See? (breaks down and cries, hugging the kids) I'll love you forever!
- Marge: Kids, a professional felt the best way for your father and me to work on our relationship, was to give up on it.
- Lisa: But after a while, dad's coming back?
- Homer: Oh yeah, Of course...
- Marge: Maybe not.
- Homer: Oh, Marge, after all my divorce-worthy statements and actions, many of which you don't know about, how can you kick me out now that I'm sick? Narcolepsy is a serious thing.
- Marge: Maybe because you didn't take it seriously enough.
- (a car with a "just married" banner and some cans attached to it passes by)
- Homer: I pity you! (enters his car and drives off crying)
- Bart: (crying) Why is Daddy going away? Is it my fault? (stops crying and acts like he's happy) Just kidding! I have been waiting for this! (yelling) All my problems are my parent's fault! Mr. Flanders, can I cry on your shoulder?
- Ned: (To Rod and Todd) Boys, get my tear dickey!
- Rod and Todd: Yaaaay!
- (Homer wakes up on a bed after his hallucination)
- Homer: What!? Candles? Clean sheets? Did I passed out on Urban Outfitters? (sees Candace beside him on the bed) Oh god, Oh god!! I've just commited the one drunken mistake I've never made!! Well... Bart.
- (Homer realizes he just slept with Candace)
- Homer: (putting his pants back on) Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!! What am I gonna tell Marge? (gets scared and gasps) Don't move! There's a snake on your butt!
- Candace: That's a tattoo.
- Homer: Why would you do that to your body?
- Candace: I thought you had one too.
- Homer: Those are stretch marks, young lady, I've had three children! I gotta call my wife!
- Candace: (angry) I thought you guys were separated!!
- Homer: (dressing his shirt back) I'm the king of man who never gives up hope! I own property in Detroit, Every Christmas I ask for size 36 pants and I still buy Beanie Babies!
- (Homer runs back to 742 Evergreen Terrace and finds Marge and the kids happy with Roger. Homer starts crying)
- Homer: Oh, I've lost everything! My wife! My family! (Lisa opens the door)
- Lisa: You didn't lose me, dad!
- Homer: (happy) Lisa?
- Lisa: You can never lose me, we share the same blood, the same... mixed feelings towards Bart! And you know I'll need support in my teenage war with mom!
- Homer: Oh-ho hoh, Lisa! (they laugh and hug each other)
- Lisa: Oh dad, (sighs) Dad!
- Homer: Oh, sweetie!
- Lisa: Nothing could ever come between us!
- Homer: We'll be together forever!
- Roger: (from inside the house) Lisa, where are you dear? I thought we'd get in a game of chess before we go pony shopping.
- Lisa: Gotta go! (gets back into the house)
- Homer: Lisa!!
- Lisa: I'll Skype you at Christmas!
- Homer: (screaming) Noooooooooo!