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Every Man's Dream/Quotes

< Every Man's Dream

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Episode
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Mathlete's Feat
Every Man's Dream
Cue Detective
(Homer started sleeping at the Nuclear Plant after Marge threw him out of the house)
Lenny: Poor guy, Living at the plant.
Carl: And yet he's still late!

(Homer tries to call Marge, but Selma answers the phone)
Selma: Hello Homer. Marge is getting ready for a date!
Homer: (sad) Marge? On a date?
Selma: Yep! But I'll make you a deal: I'll try to save your marriage if you can guess which one I am.
Homer: Patty?
Selma: Wrong!! (hangs up on Homer, who starts crying)

(Homer is putting his bags on his car's trunk to leave the house while Marge and the kids watch him)
Lisa: What's going on here?
Homer: (crying) Nothing! (pretends to be happy) Everything's fine! See? (breaks down and cries, hugging the kids) I'll love you forever!
Marge: Kids, a professional felt the best way for your father and me to work on our relationship, was to give up on it.
Lisa: But after a while, dad's coming back?
Homer: Oh yeah, Of course...
Marge: Maybe not.
Homer: Oh, Marge, after all my divorce-worthy statements and actions, many of which you don't know about, how can you kick me out now that I'm sick? Narcolepsy is a serious thing.
Marge: Maybe because you didn't take it seriously enough.
(a car with a "just married" banner and some cans attached to it passes by)
Homer: I pity you! (enters his car and drives off crying)
Bart: (crying) Why is Daddy going away? Is it my fault? (stops crying and acts like he's happy) Just kidding! I have been waiting for this! (yelling) All my problems are my parent's fault! Mr. Flanders, can I cry on your shoulder?
Ned: (To Rod and Todd) Boys, get my tear dickey!
Rod and Todd: Yaaaay!!

(Homer wakes up on a bed after his hallucination)
Homer: What!? Candles? Clean sheets? Did I passed out on Urban Outfitters? (sees Candace beside him on the bed) Oh god, Oh god!! I've just commited the one drunken mistake I've never made!! Well... Bart.

(Homer realizes he just slept with Candace)
Homer: (putting his pants back on) Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God!! What am I gonna tell Marge? (gets scared and gasps) Don't move! There's a snake on your butt!!
Candace: That's a tattoo!
Homer: Why would you do that to your body?
Candace: I thought you had one too.
Homer: Those are stretch marks, young lady, I've had three children! I gotta call my wife!
Candace: (angry) I thought you guys were separated!!
Homer: (dressing his shirt back) I'm the king of man who never gives up hope! I own property in Detroit, Every Christmas I ask for size 36 pants and I still buy Beanie Babies!!

(Homer runs back to 742 Evergreen Terrace and finds Marge and the children' happy with Roger. Homer starts crying)
Homer: Oh, I've lost everything! My wife! My family!! (Lisa opens the door)
Lisa: You didn't lose me, dad!
Homer: (happy) Lisa?
Lisa: You can never lose me, we share the same blood, the same... mixed feelings towards Bart! And you know I'll need support in my teenage war with mom!
Homer: Oh-ho hoh, Lisa! (they laugh and hug each other)
Lisa: Oh dad, (sighs) Dad!!
Homer: Oh, sweetie!!
Lisa: Nothing could ever come between us!
Homer: We'll be together forever!
Roger: (from inside the house) Lisa, where are you dear? I thought we'd get in a game of chess before we go pony shopping.
Lisa: Gotta go! (gets back into the house)
Homer: Lisa!!
Lisa: I'll Skype you at Christmas!
Homer: (screaming) Noooooooooo!!!


Season 26 Season 27 Quotes Season 28
Every Man's DreamCue DetectivePufflessHalloween of HorrorTreehouse of Horror XXVIFriend with BenefitLisa with an "S"Paths of GloryBarthoodThe Girl CodeTeenage Mutant Milk-caused HurdlesMuch Apu About SomethingLove Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4Gal of Constant SorrowLisa the VeterinarianThe Marge-ian ChroniclesThe Burns CageLisa Got Her Marge BackFland CanyonTo Courier with LoveSimprovisedOrange is the New Yellow

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