Bart: The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.
(An alarming amount of presidential hopefuls descend on the Simpson house when they see that the Simpsons haven't decided who to vote for yet.)
Homer: If you haven't sprung from or aren't married to my loins, get the hell out of this house! (All the candidates leave, except for someone hiding behind a plant.) You too, Fred Thompson!
Fred Thompson: But I was in Die Hard.
Homer: (scoffs) Die Hard Two!
(Homer tries to convince Springfield to rebuild the "Fast-Food District.")
Homer: I don't know about you, but I don't want to live in a future where food is brought by "waiters..." where the chairs aren't attached to the tables... and where I can't ditch my kids in a pit of dirty balls.
Moe: Who wants to abolish democracy forever? Show of hands.
Carl: I could really go for some kind of military thing like, uh, Juan Perón. When he disappeared ya, you stayed disappeared.
Lenny: Plus his wife was Madonna.
(Kent Brockman reports on the Springfield presidential primary.)
Kent Brockman: With Springfield's primary now first in the nation, our humble city is overrun with candidates, newshounds, spin doctors, hacks, flacks, Russerts, Blitzers and even the occasional voter. (to Moe) Sir, do have a preference?
Moe: Yeah, I like girls, fruit loop.
Kent Brockman: Oh. Are you a registered voter?
Moe: I'm a registered… something.
Nelson: (to a Washington Post reporter) Haw-haw! Your medium is dying!
Principal Skinner: Nelson!
Nelson: But it is.
Principal Skinner: There's being right and there's being nice.
Marge: This election is on every channel.
Homer: Come on, Marge. It's primary fever. Catch it!
Marge: That's what you said about yellow fever, and that was no fun.
(Homer spots a trash can while leaving Krusty Burger.)
Homer: (gasps) A drive-up trash can. This must be how the rich toss out their gold
(On the phone)
Marge: I'm just really worried about your weight. Bart says that we got a call from NASA, and your gravity is pulling satellites out of their orbit.