E-I-E-I-D'oh/Quotes

Episode	References	Gags	Appearances	Gallery	Quotes	Credits

◄ Treehouse of Horror X

E-I-E-I-D'oh

Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder ►

Homer: What would Zorro do? (Zorro gets shot) "ZORROOOOOOOOOOO....!"

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Cow: (deep voice) "Tomacco"

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Homer: Dueling at dawn. How did it ever come to this?

Lisa: [hangs up phone] The National Weather Service says dawn is still scheduled for 6:20 tomorrow and to please stop calling.

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Homer: (to Marge about the colonel) He's out there, isn't he?

Marge: I'm afraid so, and his wife's with him.

Homer: (looks at the colonel's attractive-looking wife) Growl!

Marge: Homer!

Homer: Hey, I'm not dead yet. (a knock is heard at the door) Oh! Oh! Save me, Marge! I saved you!

Marge: Why don't you have the colonel's wife save you?

Homer: Oh, Marge, that's in the past. Just let it go.

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Homer: (to Flanders on a pay phone) Well, goodbye, my gentle neighbor. You know, I've always wanted to tell you how much..

Phone Operator: To continue talking, please deposit 10 cents.

Homer: Eh, screw it. (hangs up phone)

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Bart: I'll dig an outhouse!

Lisa: I'll weed the floor.

Marge: I'll repress the rage I'm feeling.

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(After the tractor falls on Homer)

Bart: Dad!

Homer: Go get Lassie!

Bart: Lassie?

Homer: I mean Lisa.

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(When Homer arrives at the feed store to get some seeds)

Farmer 1: Well, well. Look at the city slicker pulling up in his fancy German car.

Homer: This car was made in Guatemala.

Farmer 2: Well, pardon us, Mr. Gucci loafers.

Homer: I bought these shoes from a hobo.

Farmer 1: Well, la-de-da, Mr. Park Avenue manicure.

Homer: I'm sorry, I believe in good grooming.

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Lenny: Plutonium? Gee, Homer, isn't that kind of risky? Yeah, I guess you're right. It's not.

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Homer: If we learned one thing from "The Amazing Colossal Man" and "Grasshopperus," it's that radiation makes stuff grow real big, real fast.

Marge: But didn't Grasshopperus kill Chad Everett?

Homer: Only because he tried to reason with him.

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Bart: (when Bart eats the tomato) Bleh! Tastes like cigarette butts.

Marge: (takes the half-eaten tomato) That's odd. The outside looks like a tomato, but the inside is brown.

Lisa: Maybe the tomato seeds crossbred with the tobacco seeds.

Homer: Oh, great, I've got a field full of mutants.

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Lisa: (to Homer) Tomacco? That's pretty clever, Dad. I mean, for a product that's evil and deadly.

Homer: Aw, thanks, honey.

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(After Ralph takes a bite of the Tomacco and spits it out)

Ralph: Oh, Daddy, this tastes like Grandma.

Chief Wiggum: [takes a bite, and spits it out too] Holy Moses, it does taste like Grandma!

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Laramie Executive: (to the Simpsons) Meet the Laramie cigarette team. This is Mindy, J. P., and Emil.

Mindy: Homer, we're in a bit of a pickle. Kids are crazy about tobacco, but the politicians won't let us sell it to them.

Homer: Those dirty, rotten...

Mindy: Tell me about it. But there's no law against selling kids tomacco. That little "m" is worth a lot of money to us...and to you.

Homer: How much?

Laramie Executive: Well, let's say a hundred ...

Homer: (gasps)

Laramie Executive: ... and fifty ...

Homer: (gasps louder)

Laramie Executive: ... million dollars.

Homer: (excitedly) One hundred and ... (calmly) May I speak to my family for a moment?

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(While the Simpsons are in the executive bathroom)

Homer: Did you see the way Emil's looking at Mindy? I think something's going on there.

Marge: Shouldn't we be talking about the $150 million offer?

Homer: Oh, yeah, let's take it.

Lisa: Dad, it's a tobacco company. They make billions off the suffering and death of others.

Bart: She's right, Dad. They can afford a lot more.

Lisa: No...

Marge: I'm with Lisa. Let's take them to the cleaners.

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Lisa: You're about to launch a terrible evil on the world. You've got to destroy this plant.

Homer: I know, honey, but what can I do as an individual. I wouldn't know where to begin.

Lisa: Just burn that plant right now and end this madness.

Homer: I wish I could make a difference, Lisa, but I'm just one man.

Lisa: (growls)

Homer: I agree, but how?