Fandom

Simpsons WIki

Duffless/Quotes

< Duffless

18,744 articles being
edited here
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Episode
References
Gags
Appearances
Gallery
Quotes
Credits
I Love Lisa
Duffless
Last Exit to Springfield
Marge: Homer, I want you to encourage Lisa with her science fair project.
Homer: Yes, syrup is better than jelly.

Chief Wiggum: Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news; your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my God! He's dead?!
Chief Wiggum: Oh, wait, I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up.
Mrs. Phillips: My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI?
Chief Wiggum: Um, why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch.

Principal Skinner: Well, Edna, for a school with no Asian kids, I think we put on a pretty darn good science fair.

Lisa: I've grown a futuristic tomato by fertilizing it with anabolic steroids.
Bart: The kind that help our Olympic athletes reach new peaks of excellence?
Lisa: The very same.

Lionel Hutz: Don't worry, Homer. I have a fool proof strategy to get you out of here: surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. I tell you, the judge won't know what hit him!

Homer [singing]: W, X, Y, and Z. Now I know my ABCs, won't you come and play with me.
Eddie: Flawless.
Lou: We also would have accepted, "tell me what you think of me."

Homer: To overcome the spider's curse, simply quote a Bible verse. Uh... Thou shalt not... uh... (Homer throws a rock at the spider's head.)

Homer: Marge, I'm goin' to Moe's. Send the kids to the neighbors, I'm comin' back loaded!

Marge: Homey, I'd like you to do something for me.
Homer: You name it.
Marge: I want you to give up beer for a month.
Homer: You got it. No deer for a month.
Marge: Did you say beer, or deer?
Homer: Deer.

Homer: All right, starting tomorrow no beer for a month.
(Marge turns off the light and Homer opens a can, audibly)
Marge: What was that noise?
Homer: I was saying, "Psssst, I love you."

Homer: I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

Judge: Your license is hereby revoked and you are to attend traffic school and two months of AA meetings.
Homer: Your honor, I'd like that last remark stricken from the record.
Judge: No.

Lisa: What have you done with my report?
Bart: I've hidden it. To find it you'll need to decipher a series of clues, each more fiendish than…
Lisa: Got it!
Bart: D'oh!

Moe: You'll be back!!! And you, And you (to Barney). And you.
Barney: Of course I'll be back, if you didn't close I'd never leave!

Lisa: [echoic from Bart's dream] First prize! First prize! First prize!
Bart: Why are you saying that?
Lisa: Just screwing with your mind. [laughs and runs off]

Lisa: [laughs wickedly]
Marge: What's so funny?
Lisa: Oh, uh ... I was just thinking of a joke I saw on Herman's Head. [laughs nervously]

Homer: Barney, give me your keys. You're too drunk to drive.
Barney: I'm fine.
Homer: OK, you leave me no option. [punches Barney]
Barney: Ow! What was that for?
Homer: I'm trying to knock you out. [tries harder with a tire iron]
Barney: Ow! Cut it out. [Homer tries slamming Barney's head in the car door] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! [slam] Ow! All right, here, take the keys. [hands Homer the keys]

Lisa: I want the most intelligent hamster you've got.
Pet Shop Clerk (Wiseguy): OK. [reaches into a box of hamsters under the counter and randomly selects one] Uh, this little guy writes mysteries under the name of J. D. McGregor.
Lisa: How can a hamster write mysteries?
Wiseguy: Well, he gets the ending first, then he writes backward.
Lisa: Aw, c'mon.
Wiseguy: Look, kid, just take him before his mother eats him, all right?

Lisa: [writing] I propose to determine the answer to the question: "Is my brother dumber than a hamster?"
Bart: Hey Lis, look what I can do! [inserts his fist into mouth, but discovers he can't retract it] Mmmph... doggone it.

Homer: I'm here for the Alc-Anon meeting.
Rev. Lovejoy: Mm-hm. Third door on your left. [Jasper walks up] Coping with senility?
Jasper: [gruff] No. I'm here for Microwave Cookery. No, wait. Coping with senility.

Rev. Lovejoy: Homer, with our help, you'll never touch a beer again.
Homer: Aaah! [jumps out the window]

Homer [singing]: When I was 17,
I drank some very good beer.
I drank some very good beer,
I purchased with a fake ID.
My name was Brian McGee.
I stayed up listening to Queen, when I was 17.

Milhouse: Behold gravity in all its glory. [pushes a Slinky down an inclined 2-by-4. It goes one step, then it stops]
Edna: Pretty lame, Milhouse.

Marge: I don't know if I like you experimenting on your brother.
Lisa: Please, mother, it's purely in the interest of science.
Lisa's Brain: That'll learn 'em to bust my tomater.

Rev. Lovejoy: So Homer, please feel free to tell us anything. There's no judgment here.
Homer: The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into a football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.
Rev. Lovejoy: I cast thee out!

Moe: C'mon, Homer, do it for your old pal Moesy.
Barney: But Moe, yesterday you called Homer a worthless sack of...
Moe: Pipe down, rub-a-dub!


Season 3 Season 4 Quotes Season 5
Kamp KrustyA Streetcar Named MargeHomer the HereticLisa the Beauty QueenTreehouse of Horror IIIItchy & Scratchy: The MovieMarge Gets a JobNew Kid on the BlockMr. PlowLisa's First WordHomer's Triple BypassMarge vs. the MonorailSelma's ChoiceBrother from the Same PlanetI Love LisaDufflessLast Exit to SpringfieldSo It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip ShowThe FrontWhacking DayMarge in ChainsKrusty Gets Kancelled

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki