Dogtown/Quotes

Episode	References	Gags	Appearances	Gallery	Quotes	Credits

◄ Moho House

Dogtown

The Serfsons ►

GPS: Turn left.

Homer: You're the driver.

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Homer: Okay, kids. Give me your best worried looks. Ooh, that's good worried. Maggie, when we visit Gil, you should think about your mom and me disappearing forever, every time we step behind a wall.

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Lisa: Mr. Gunderson, they don't let saxophones in the ICU, so I'll just tell you the song I wrote for you. B flat, C, D flat, B flat, B, Long E ...

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Adolphe Sax: "Adolf", a name that will only be associated with beautiful music.

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[Homer is in court]

Lawyer: People love dogs. This could be out key to winning this case.

Homer: You're on my side, right?

Lawyer: I am.

Homer: Woo hoo!

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[Bart steps up to the stand]

Lawyer: Now, go ahead, son. You tell us how you got your dog.

Bart: [in a poor old British kid accent] It was Christmas, sir. We saved him and he saved us. Now we love the dog, and the dog gives us all the love we could handle. Love.

[Jury murmurs in admiration]

Lawyer: Could the stenographer read that last part back with sentimental music?

Stenographer: The dog gives us all the love we could handle. Love.

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Blue-Haired Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen, this man is a human being, just like you or me. Surely, his life has more value than some creature that scoots its buttocks along the ground.

[Jury dawwws]

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Or-or gets it's head stuck in an empty pickle jar.

[Jury dawwws]

Blue-Haired Lawyer: OR WALKS ON A HOT SIDEWALK IN A WAY THAT SUGGESTS IT'S DANCING?

[Jury dawwws]

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[Santa's Little Helper helps win the court case for Homer]

Homer: I have never been more glad that I didn't hit you with my car, secretly bury you, get another greyhound, paint it your exact coloring, then realize it's a girl, stick on a fake wang and pretend that she's you for however long dogs live.

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Mayor Quimby: Look at all those voters. What is our current position on dogs?

Secretary: We currently have a city employee who rounds them up and puts them to sleep.

Mayor Quimby: What? I can't believe such a jerk would even be elected dog catcher! From this point, forth, this town will be known as the dog-loving capital of the world. That will put Springfield on the map.

Secretary: Yeah, why aren't we on the map?

Mayor Quimby: I don't know. I made like 20 calls to Rand McNally. They don't even know what state we're in.

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[Homer pushes Snowball V over to Santa's Little Helper]

Homer: Ooh, come on, girl.

[Snowball V scratches Homer]

Homer: OW! Come on. Get him by the collar. You can do it.

[Snowball bites Homer]

Homer: Ow. Don't bite me! [Homer tries to get Snowball V's paw on Santa's Little Helper's collar] Come on. Pull! Come on!

Lisa: Dad, we don't have time for this.

Homer: Quiet, I'm doing something important.

[Homer gets Snowball V's claw into Santa's Little Helper's collar and uses her to drag him into the house]

Homer: There you go, that's it. Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.

Bart: Worth it.

Lisa: Totally worth it.

Homer: I know.

---

Homer: Kids, lower the Purge armor.

Lisa: We don't have any Purge armor.

Homer: Oh, right. I always mean to buy it the day after The Purge, when it's cheaper.

Marge: What Happened?

Homer: The dogs have gone savage. They've taken over the town.

---

Bart: Resist the call of the wild. Like I did, when they assigned that book for summer reading.

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Barney: I thought I was the town failure.

Moe: You're not even that.

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[Marge calls Grandpa over the phone]

Marge: Grandpa, I called to make sure the kids are okay.

Grandpa: They're not okay! The boy's got sass and the girl thinks she's Queen of the May. You leave them with me and I'll straighten them out.

Marge: I did leave them with you.

Grandpa: Why they hell, would you do that?

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[Bart and Lisa come face to face with Taquito]

Bart: I know that dog. It's the one Milhouse got when he didn't wet the bed for a week.

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Bart: We're gonna die at the hands of a dog.

Lisa: Paws. Dogs have paws.

Bart: Just remember the last thing you did in life was correct me.

Lisa: Oh, that actually makes me feel better.