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Moho House
Dogtown
The Serfsons
GPS: Turn left.
Homer: You're the driver.

Homer: Okay, kids. Give me your best worried looks. Ooh, that's good worried. Maggie, when we visit Gil, you should think about your mom and me disappearing forever, every time we step behind a wall.

Lisa: Mr. Gunderson, they don't let saxophones in the ICU, so I'll just tell you the song I wrote for you. B flat, C, D flat, B flat, B, Long E ...

Adolphe Sax: "Adolf", a name that will only be associated with beautiful music.

[Homer is in court]
Lawyer: People love dogs. This could be out key to winning this case.
Homer: You're on my side, right?
Lawyer: I am.
Homer: Woo hoo!

[Bart steps up to the stand]
Lawyer: Now, go ahead, son. You tell us how you got your dog.
Bart: [in a poor old British kid accent] It was Christmas, sir. We saved him and he saved us. Now we love the dog, and the dog gives us all the love we could handle. Love.
[Jury murmurs in admiration]
Lawyer: Could the stenographer read that last part back with sentimental music?
Stenographer: The dog gives us all the love we could handle. Love.

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Ladies and gentlemen, this man is a human being, just like you or me. Surely, his life has more value than some creature that scoots its buttocks along the ground.
[Jury dawwws]
Blue-Haired Lawyer: Or-or gets it's head stuck in an empty pickle jar.
[Jury dawwws]
Blue-Haired Lawyer: OR WALKS ON A HOT SIDEWALK IN A WAY THAT SUGGESTS IT'S DANCING?
[Jury dawwws]

[Santa's Little Helper helps win the court case for Homer]
Homer: I have never been more glad that I didn't hit you with my car, secretly bury you, get another greyhound, paint it your exact coloring, then realize it's a girl, stick on a fake wang and pretend that she's you for however long dogs live.

Mayor Quimby: Look at all those voters. What is our current position on dogs?
Secretary: We currently have a city employee who rounds them up and puts them to sleep.
Mayor Quimby: What? I can't believe such a jerk would even be elected dog catcher! From this point, forth, this town will be known as the dog-loving capital of the world. That will put Springfield on the map.
Secretary: Yeah, why aren't we on the map?
Mayor Quimby: I don't know. I made like 20 calls to Rand McNally. They don't even know what state we're in.

[Homer pushes Snowball V over to Santa's Little Helper]
Homer: Ooh, come on, girl.
[Snowball V scratches Homer]
Homer: OW! Come on. Get him by the collar. You can do it.
[Snowball bites Homer]
Homer: Ow. Don't bite me! [Homer tries to get Snowball V's paw on Santa's Little Helper's collar] Come on. Pull! Come on!
Lisa: Dad, we don't have time for this.
Homer: Quiet, I'm doing something important.
[Homer gets Snowball V's claw into Santa's Little Helper's collar and uses her to drag him into the house]
Homer: There you go, that's it. Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.
Bart: Worth it.
Lisa: Totally worth it.
Homer: I know.

Homer: Kids. Lower the Purge armor.
Lisa: We don't have any Purge armor.
Homer: Oh, right. I always mean to buy it the day after The Purge, when it's cheaper.

Bart: Resist the call of the wild. Like I did, when they assigned that book for summer reading.

Barney: I thought I was the town failure.
Moe: You're not even that.

[Marge calls Grandpa over the phone]
Marge: Grandpa, I called to make sure the kids are okay.
Grandpa: They're not okay! The boy's got sass and the girl thinks she's Queen of the May. You leave them with me and I'll straighten them out.
Marge: I did leave them with you.
Grandpa: Why they hell, would you do that?

[Bart and Lisa come face to face with Taquito]
Bart: I know that dog. It's the one Milhouse got when he didn't wet the bed for a week.

Bart: We're gonna die at the hands of a dog.
Lisa: Paws. Dogs have paws.
Bart: Just remember the last thing you did in life was correct me.
Lisa: Oh, that actually makes me feel better.
Season 27 Season 28 Quotes Season 29
Monty Burns' Fleeing CircusFriends and FamilyThe TownTreehouse of Horror XXVIITrust But ClarifyThere Will Be BudsHavana Wild WeekendDad BehaviorThe Last Traction HeroThe Nightmare After KrustmasPork and BurnsThe Great PhatsbyFatzcarraldoThe Cad and the HatKamp Krustier22 For 30A Father's WatchThe Caper ChaseLooking for Mr. GoodbartMoho HouseDogtown