|Dial "N" for Nerder||
- Homer: Oh, boy, dinnertime. The perfect break between work and drunk.
- [While riding bikes in Springfield Park, Bart and Lisa come across Martin, who is excavating for arrowheads.]
- Lisa: May I join you?
- Martin: Care to make it a trio, Bart? You can brush and I can blow!
- Bart: Well, I agree you blow.
- Martin: Then it's a plan!
- Bart: A lot of people blow. But no one blows like you!
- Martin: High praise indeed!
- Bart: When you look up 'blow' in the dictionary ...
- Lisa: [interrupting] Bart, he's not gonna get it.
- [Now riding by himself, Bart sees a sleeping Sideshow Mel and decides to pull a prank ...]
- Bart: The bone's the very thing, methinks, to prank my sister and the dink. [steals the bone from Mel's hair]
- [Bart leaves the bone partially buried in the road for Martin to find.]
- Martin: A bone! Perhaps it's one of the major Homos.
- Bart: You're one of the major ho--
- Lisa: [interrupting, sharply] Forget it!
- [The Sneakers host has just set up Marge to confront Homer cheating on his diet, and Marge is winding up to deliver a roundhouse slap.]
- Host: That's it, Marge. Slap him good.
- [Marge slaps the host instead of Homer.]
- Marge: Sick! You're not trying to help our marriage. You're trying to split us up! Well, I'd rather have a chubby hubby than a sexy exy.
- Principal Skinner: Martin Prince was known by many names. Martin Priss, Martin Princess, Fartin' Prince, Martin the Brown-Nose Reindeer...
- Dolph: That was mine.
- (Marge is suspicious of Homer, who is wearing a fedora hat and a trench coat.)
- Marge: Homer, where are you going?
- Homer: Work.
- Marge: It's 4 o'clock on a Saturday.
- Homer: I, uh, have to... count the atoms at the nuclear plant. Conservation of mass! It's the law!
- Lisa: Bart, Martin could be seriously hurt or worse! We have to do something!
- Bart: You're right. Let's watch TV.
- Bart: Usually when I do something bad, I feel good. But not this time. Martin was like Jesus... only real.
- Bart: (about a school assignment) The Internet wrote it, I just handed it in.
- Nelson: (Overhearing Bart and Lisa), You know, something bugs me. Martin was afraid of heights, why was he doing on a cliff? It don't add up.
- Dolph: Hey, look who's trying to add!
- Jimbo: You wuss! (to Nelson)
- (Nelson is beaten up, but he's too busy on figuring out about Martin to notice)
- Groundskeeper Willie: Into yer hands, I commend this crap. (tosses a box saying "Martin Prince's Locker Contents" into the dumpster and leaves)
- (Lisa enters the Kwik-E-Mart wearing shades, but she bumps into Lou)
- Lou: Hey, you little murderer.
- Lisa: (Scared) What?
- Lou: Those shades are killing me, they're so cute!
- (Lisa screams and runs off)