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- Marge: (after taking away Maggie's pacifier) Maggie, honey, this is for your own good. Growing up means giving up everything that makes you happy.
- Grampa: It's true. I've given up everything but raisins and the doctor says they're killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails is what they are.
- Lisa: (to Marge about the "Smothering Mother Magazine") I can't believe you listened to this magazine! It's a Larry Flynt publication.
- Marge: Lisa, stop reading mastheads!
- Lisa: I can't! I won't!
- Homer: Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?
- Firefighter: (to Homer) You've horribly injured the whole fire department!
- Homer: Who are you, a travel agent? 'Cause you're sending me on a guilt trip!
- Firefighter: Sorry.