| Cookie Kwan|
|Occupation|| Burlesque dancer
|Relatives|| Son: Unnamed|
Lover: Joe Quimby
|First Appearance||"Realty Bites"|
|Voiced By||Tress MacNeille|
- “Stay off the west side!”
Cookie Kwan is a go-getter in the imploding Springfield real-estate industry, the "number one on the west side". She is of Asian heritage and has a stereotypical Asian accent.
She is very aggressive toward anyone whom she deems a threat to her business, as she once warned Marge to "stay off the West Side!" and said to Gil, "Were you talking about the West Side?" He responds, "No, Cookie, I swear! I'm-I'm scared of you!"
Both Cookie and Lindsey Naegle often look for a man. She once offered to have Homer move to her house. She once had a relationship with Mayor Quimby and they had a son, but Quimby gave him to one of his bodyguards, so she was one of the 37 women filing paternity suits against Quimby.
Cookie went to Camp Land-A-Man with Marge, Helen Lovejoy, Luann Van Houten, Patty and Selma when she was a child. Marge had arranged a date with Homer, but he didn't appear, so Marge went out of the camp. Cookie told everyone at the camp about it and that Marge was pregnant.
Episodes she's had a role in are in bold.
|Ms. Albright | June Bellamy | Belle | Billy (actor) | Booberella | Colin | Cosine | Crazy Cat Lady | Michael D'Amico | David (Treehouse of Horror XVI) | Devan Woosterfield | Dia-Betty | Mia Farrow | Ginger Flanders | Mrs. Glick | Adil Hoxha | Bernice Hibbert | Cookie Kwan | Lester | Audrey McConnell | Medicine Woman | Mrs. Muntz | Lindsey Naegle | Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon | Opal | Poor Violet | Lois Pennycandy | Pepi | Phillips | Brunella Pommelhorst | Ronaldo (Blame It on Lisa) | Dr. Simpson | Agnes Skinner | Brandine Spuckler | Jitney Spuckler | Whitney Spuckler | Spud | Dolph Starbeam | Clara Stetson | Gino Terwilliger | Dame Judith Underdunk | Veronica | Vicki Valentine | Plopper|