The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
Co-Dependent's Day
The Wandering Juvie
Lisa: Dad, I still have a couple of questions about this. Mom never drives drunk, and the crash was in your car. Also the driver's seat was adjusted for your stomach.
Homer: Lisa, Lisa your suspicions are important to me and will be answered in the order received.

Homer: I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself! I'm drunk!

Otto: I didn't know British coal miners had it so bad! There's blood on your hands, Mrs. Thatcher!

Homer: When I feel weak I'll draw strength from the Bible. (opens the bible and starts drinking; his stomach rumbles) Uh-oh, here comes the Gospel according to puke!

Marge: Oh no, I'm gonna be incarcer--(hiccups), incarcer--(hiccups), I'm going to jail.

(While Homer is on the phone with the rehab clinic)
Homer: I can't talk to my wife for 28 days. Sir, she is not an alcoholic. You can't put me on hold, I'll put you on hold. (singing) I am a lineman for the county. (speaking) Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold. (singing) And I drive the main road. (speaking) There are…eight calls ahead of you. (singing) And the Wichita lineman is still on the li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-line.

Homer: (bout his book-box Bible that holds liquor) No wonder they call it the Good Book.

Bart: We're gonna have to track Randall Curtis down and make him listen to us.
Homer: And I know just where to find him! (He picks up the envelope and reads it.) 742 Evergreen Terrace.
Lisa: Dad, that's our address.
Homer: (Screams) He's in the house?!

Season 14 Season 15 Quotes Season 16
Treehouse of Horror XIVMy Mother the CarjackerThe President Wore PearlsThe Regina MonologuesThe Fat and the FurriestToday, I Am a Clown'Tis the Fifteenth SeasonMarge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and GaysI, D'oh-BotDiatribe of a Mad HousewifeMargical History TourMilhouse Doesn't Live Here AnymoreSmart and SmarterThe Ziff Who Came to DinnerCo-Dependent's DayThe Wandering JuvieMy Big Fat Geek WeddingCatch 'Em if You CanSimple SimpsonThe Way We Weren'tBart-Mangled BannerFraudcast News