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Class Klown/Quotes

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Bart's Name Is Mud!
Class Klown
Dog Gone Hollywood!
Krusty the Clown: Hey-hey, kids! Are you ready to meet your class clown?
Edna Krabappel: Seymour, I can't believe you actually picked Bart Simpson.
Seymour Skinner: Edna, Krusty's people didn't ask me to select a rhodes scholar. They wanted our class clown!
Bart Simpson: Milhouse, when I call you out on stage, don't forget any of my props.
Milhouse Van Houten: Aye-aye, Bart! Your fake vomit wrangler is at your command.
Krusty: I give you Bart Simpson! Your school's class clown!
Audience: Yay! (claps)

Krusty: So kid, you ready to work for me?
Bart: Let me show you!
Krusty: Show me?
Bart: All I need is a little help from my trusty sidekick.
(Milhouse walks on stage carrying a box full of pranks as Bart impatiently waits, and accidentally drops the rubber chicken to the ground)
Bart: C'mon, hurry up!
Milhouse: Ugh. (steps on the rubber chicken, causing him to trip and let go of the box, in which all of the pranks fly out of it) Whoa! (lands face first on the floor while the audience laughs at him) Uhh...?
Nelson Muntz: Haw haw!
Milhouse: Oooh, my spleen.
Krusty: Now that's a real class clown!
Bart: Huh? No! I'm the class clown.
Krusty: Gotta go! It's time for my pedicure appointment. These shoes do a number on my dogs.
Skinner: Wait? But which one is the class clown?
Krusty: You decide. Just have him show up at that address on Saturday morning.

Later that day...
Milhouse: So which one of us is class clown?
Skinner: Uh...
Bart: Give it up, Milhouse. They already named me class clown.
Milhouse: Yeah, but Krusty un-named you!
Skinner: I'm sorry, boys, but I need some time to think this over.

Bart: I thought you were my friend! How could you steal this from me?
Milhouse: Ha! The only thing I stole was the show!
Bart: That does it!
Milhouse: Oh, does it?
Bart: Yeah, it does!
Milhouse: Does what?
Bart: You mess with the bull, you get the horns!
Milhouse: Okay, you lost me. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Bart: I'll tell you what I'm talking about. I declare a prank war!

And so it begins...
(Milhouse's locker door is seen painted in pink and covered in girly stickers from Sherri and Terri, much to Milhouse's annoyance)
Sherri: We like how you decorated your locker!
Terri: I have the same Malibu Stacy sticker on mine!
Milhouse : [thinking] Bart painted my locker...that's nothing.
(Milhouse opens his locker, and a bunch a marbles flood out of it)
Milhouse: Agh!
Ralph Wiggum: The doctor says I lost my marbles.

Later in class...
Edna: Open your books to page thirty-one.
(Bart opens his book, only to notice that the inside of it has attached bubble gum between the pages)
Bart: D'oh! [to Milhouse] Is that the best you can do?
Milhouse: Well, pal, let's just say you should watch your back!
(Bart looks behind him, and notices that there's a paper saying "I heart Skinner" taped onto his back)
Bart: Huh?
Sherri and Terri: Bart and Skinner sittin' in a tree...
Bart: [to Milhouse] See you at lunch, pal.
Milhouse: [sarcastically] Oooh!

Soon...
(Milhouse is about to eat his lunch, not noticing that his spaghetti is covered in cayenne pepper sauce, while Bart stares at him menacingly)
Milhouse: [to Bart] Stare menacingly all you want. I'm not afraid of you. [takes a bite out of his spaghetti, and realizes right away that its covered in cayenne pepper sauce, much to his surprise] BLAH!
Bart: Whoops! I forgot to tell you. I dumped two bottles of cayenne pepper sauce on your lunch. [places his lunch down on the table while Milhouse chugs his chocolate milk to get rid of the spiciness in his mouth] I also forgot to mention I put some mustard packets on your seat.
Milhouse: [sits up, and notices that his pants are covered in mustard from the mustard packets] Nana Van Houten gave me these pants! [to Bart] Okay! I surrender! Just sit down and eat your lunch.
(Bart sits down, but his chair crashes and breaks apart, causing Bart to fall on his butt)
Bart: Oof!
Milhouse: Did I forget to mention that I loosened all the screws on your chair?

Milhouse: I'd help you get up, but I'm just gonna savor my victory and my choco-drink.
Bart: I'm glad you like the choco-drink. I mixed it myself. [holds up a box of Choc-Lax laxative-laced drink]
Milhouse: [Realizes that he's drinking Bart's Choc-Lax laxative-laced drink] Blah! Choc-Lax?!? [spits out the drink in disgust]
Bart: Ha-ha-ha!

(Skinner watches what happened in shock)

Skinner: [angry] Broken chairs? Laxative-laced drinks? That's it. No more pranks at school!
Milhouse: [worried] But I haven't used my remote Baked Bean-O-Matic 3000 Electro-Flatulator yet!
Bart: [worried] No fair! I had special plans for this stink bomb!

Outside the school walls...the war wages on.
Bart: That's it! Bart Simpson, you are an evil genius!
Milhouse: I know how to get him and get him good!
(Bart goes to The Perm Bank to find a good prank to put on Milhouse)
Bart: Somebody's gotta help me! My mom's got sasquatch legs!
The Perm Bank hair stylist: [to Bart] Tell your poor mom to apply this cream and rinse. Her monkey legs will be as smooth as a baby's bottom in no time. [gives Bart a bottle of Hairy Notter]
Bart: [to The Perm Bank hair stylist] Thanks.
(Meanwhile, Milhouse goes to Builders' Barn to find a good prank to put on Bart)
Milhouse: I bet I can find what I need here.
Jeremy Freedman: [to Milhouse] This caulk is guaranteed to bond for twenty-years.
Milhouse: [to Jeremy Freedman] I'll take it!

(Later, Milhouse goes to the Simpson house with his caulk bottle behind his back, and sees Marge Simpson by the door)
Milhouse: [to Marge] Sorry to bother you, but I chugged a mega-Squishee, and I don't think I can hold it until I get home!
(Meanwhile, Bart is secretly climbing into Milhouse's house with the Hairy Notter bottle in hand)
Bart: (thinking) I bet Milhouse would never think of pranking me at home.
(Back at the Simpson house, Milhouse is replacing Bart's Luda-Crest toothpaste with the caulk)
Milhouse: This'll shut Bart's big mouth!
(Back at the Van Houten house, Bart is sticking the Radioactive Man shampoo label onto the Hairy Notter bottle)
Bart: Hair today, gone tomorrow!

The aftermath...
(Back at Principal Skinner's office, Skinner is outrageous about the constant pranks as Milhouse is seen without head hair, thanks to Bart's Hairy Notter prank, while Bart is seen with his toothbrush stuck to his teeth, thanks to Milhouse's caulk toothpaste prank)
Skinner: (to Milhouse and Bart) Enough! As far as I'm concerned, you are both clowns!
Milhouse: Huh?
Bart: (muffled due to toothbrush stuck on teeth) Mwuh?
Skinner: (to Milhouse and Bart) First go see the school nurse and then go to this address tomorrow morning. Krusty can have the both of you.

The next morning...
(Unfortunately, Bart and Milhouse are cleaning Krusty Burger's restrooms, much to their disappointment)
Milhouse: Bart, we were really at each other's throats...for this!?!
Bart: Unbelievable!
(Raphael walks in and notices that Bart and Mihouse are talking more than cleaning)
Raphael: (scolded) Hey! Less hub-bub and more scrub-scrub! I want that bowl clean enough to eat out of!
Milhouse: (to Bart) If we only knew this is what Krusty meant by "work" for him!
Bart: (to Milhouse as he holds up a box of Stink-Ulear stink bombs) Cheer up, Milhouse. We'll get the last laugh!
(Soon, Bart used the stink bombs, and it was a success. All of the customers run out of the restaurant in disgust, plugging their noses while Bart and Milhouse are laughing from the roof)
Hans Moleman: Yuck!
Helen Lovejoy: That place reeks!
Julius Hibbert: I'm calling the Department of Health!