Burns University is an university and for-profit college that is owned and founded by Charles Montgomery Burns.
After Mr. Burns goes to Yale University and finds out how politically correct it is (much to his horror), running an university can make lots of money, so he refuses to fund it and goes to the Skull and Bones Society, where he meets Bourbon Verlander, a man who owns multiple for-profit colleges. While there, Mr. Burns discovers how much an university can make, so he makes a deal with Bourbon.
Later, he says to Homer, Lenny, and Carl that he'll start a new university and imagines what it'll be like to run his own for-profit college with what his college's graduation ceremony would be like, ending the ceremony by pulling a lever that sends all of the graduates to Hell.
Mr. Burns and Smithers then watch the commercial he made for the new university, but Burns chuckles about the ad's slogan and asks Smithers if "the full Monty" has some sort of naughty double meaning. Smithers claims that only their faculty could be hired so easily, but Burns exclaims that they already have a faculty, and it turns out to be the power plant employees, including Homer, Lenny, and Carl, that are also the teachers Burns chose for his university, so he decides to hire them.
The following day, Burns opens his university to the students (which looks completely different compared to his university as seen in the ad), and tells them not to park at Del Taco, where Jimbo and Dolph are there waiting as security guards. The motto for Burns University is "Ut uberiores divites", which is Latin for "The rich get richer", much to one student's disappointment. Burns University doesn't need Latin-translating troublemakers, so Burns decides to expel them.
Meanwhile, Lenny and Carl are in the break room, and Carl tells Lenny that he's a professor, so he cannot throw his graduate cap, and he'll hardly ever wear it. But, Lenny got it custom made that says "End apartheid now", so Carl says that Lenny's apartheid is over, and Lenny throws it, which works.
Homer begins his first day as professor at Burns University, and he thinks that copying is hard as he copies a problem from the textbook for the students. Unfortunately, it turns out that his first day as professor is rough because he doesn't know what to teach his class, making some students to get very confused. So, in order to be alone and talk to himself about the troubles of his teaching without any of the students knowing, Homer sends his class to study outside after saying that it's a beautiful day. Gloomy, Homer says to himself that he's totally unqualified, and he doesn't even know how to get outside from teaching.
Eventually, Homer gets much better at teaching at the university after he watches inspirational teacher movies and takes notes with help from Lisa. Mr. Burns sees this, and because Homer is getting much better than the first time, he and Smithers decide to sell him to Bourbon and let him work for him.
Known Faculty and Staff
- Charles Montgomery Burns (owner, founder, and C.E.O. of Burns University)
- Waylon Smithers, Jr. (co-owner, co-founder, and chief operations officer of Burns University)
- Professor Homer J. Simpson
- Professor Lenford "Lenny" Leonard
- Professor Carl Carlson