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Burns' Heir/Quotes

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Bart Gets an Elephant
Burns' Heir
Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song
Nelson: Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
Mr. Burns: Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
Martin: [Singing] Clang, clang, clang went the trolley. Ring, ring, ring went the bell. Zing, zing, sing went my heartstrings...
[Nelson punches Martin in stomach]
Martin: OW!
Mr. Burns: Thank you. Give the bully an extra point.

[A deprogrammer has just finished forcing 'Bart' into forgetting Mr Burns and coming back to the Simpson family]
Deprogrammer: Well, it was a grueling two weeks, but you have your son back.
[Hans Moleman walks out]
Hans Moleman: Mom, Dad, I missed you.
Homer: [sighing with relief Homer kisses Hans Moleman on the head]
Marge: Homer, that's Hans Moleman.
Homer: Can I keep him anyway, huh, huh?

[Mr. Burns attempts to prove to Bart that his family does not love him, and shows him a scripted version of a false Simpsons residence]
Homer actor: [voice unlike Homer's] I do not miss Bart at all.
Marge actress: I am glad he's gone.
Lisa actor: As am I.
[Homer actor drops his sandwich]
Homer Actor: B'oh!
Bart: It's probably my imagination, but, something about them doesn't seem quite right.
Mr. Burns: Really? Excuse me for just a moment. [walks into a secret room where the actors are] People, that was all wrong! Homer Simpson doesn't say "B'oh!", he says [goes through script] "D'oh!"
Homer Actor: Sorry M.B., but I'm having trouble with this character. Is he supposed to have some kind of a neurological impairment, like Rain Man or Awakenings? I mean, what the hell am I doing here?!
Marge actress: And this dialog has none of the wit and sparkle of Murphy Brown.
Lisa actor: Hey, you know we're about getting into golden time.
Mr. Burns: Yes. Well just get it right, or you'll all be back doing Come Blow Your Horn at the Westport Dinner Theatre.

[Bart and Lisa are dejected after failing at their auditions to become Mr. Burns' heir]
Marge: (to Homer) I think Bart and Lisa are feeling a little upset right now. Isn't there something you'd like to say?
Homer: There sure is. Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, "Never Try.

Lionel Hutz: As for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state, often as a lawyer.

Homer ActorDuh-Oh!

(After the THX Screen)
Abe: Turn it up! TURN IT UP!

Milhouse: I have nothing to offer you but my love.
Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...

Bart: (reading Homer's written cue cards) Hello, Mr... Kurns. I bad want... money now. Me sick.
Homer: Oooh, he card-reads good.
Bart: So pick please me, Mr. Burns.
Homer: It's Kurns, stupid!
Marge: No, it's not.
Homer: (to Bart) Disregard.

Lenny: (pleading for his job without using the letter "e") I'm a good work... guy...
Mr. Burns: You're fired, Leonard.
Lenny: But I didn't say...
Mr. Burns: You will (pulls trap door lever).
Lenny: (falls and screams)

Bart: And I had the greatest time! Mr. Burns' house has everything: a hedge-maze, a moat, bleached hardwood floors, and a bottomless pit.
Lisa: It couldn't possibly be bottomless.
Bart: Well, for all intents and purposes.

Marge: [to Chief Wiggum] I'm very concerned. Mr. Burns has stolen our son and he won't give him back!
Chief Wiggum: Oh, for gosh g... can't you people solve these problems yourselves? I mean, we can't be, er, "policing" the whole city.

Deprogrammer: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your son has clearly been brainwashed by the evil and charismatic Mr. Burns.
Marge: Are you sure you can get him back for us?
Deprogrammer: Absolutely. I'm the one who successfully deprogrammed Jane Fonda, you know.
Marge: What about Peter Fonda?
Deprogrammer: Oh, that was a heartbreaker. But I did get Paul McCartney out of Wings.
Homer: You idiot! He was the most talented one.

Season 4 Season 5 Quotes Season 6
Homer's Barbershop QuartetCape FeareHomer Goes to CollegeRosebudTreehouse of Horror IVMarge on the LamBart's Inner ChildBoy-Scoutz 'n the HoodThe Last Temptation of Homer$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)Homer the VigilanteBart Gets FamousHomer and ApuLisa vs. Malibu StacyDeep Space HomerHomer Loves FlandersBart Gets an ElephantBurns' HeirSweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss SongThe Boy Who Knew Too MuchLady Bouvier's LoverSecrets of a Successful Marriage
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