|Brother from the Same Planet||
- Communist Party Recruiter: [being booed and pelted with tomatoes from all sides on 'Tomato Day'] Ah, this is better than 'Dart Day'.
- Bigger Brother employee: And what are your reasons for wanting a little brother?
- Homer's brain: Don't say revenge, don't say revenge!
- Homer: Eh... revenge?
- Homer's brain: That's it, I'm gettin' outta here!
- [sounds of someone walking down stairs and slamming a door. Meanwhile, the Bigger Brother employee peruses her checklist]
- Checklist: Revenge.
- [she marks that with an X]
- Lou: There's a couple of guys fighting at the aquarium, Chief.
- Chief Wiggum: They still sell those frozen bananas?
- Lou: I think so.
- Chief Wiggum: Let's roll!
- [Homer falls back onto a fire hydrant]
- Homer: (calmly) This is even more painful than it looks.
- Marge: Lisa? Lisa?
- [Marge finds Lisa in kitchen asleep at the table, phone receiver in hand as she could not resist her addiction to the Corey hotline]
- Marge: Oh, Lisa. Well, you tried.
- [Marge picks up phone to see what is on other line]
- Operator: At the tone, the time will be 12 o'clock, midnight. *BEEP!*
- [Lisa awakens]
- Lisa: Did I make it?
- Marge: Yes, honey!
- Dr. Hibbert: [to Lisa, after placing eardrops in both of her ears] Now, you just let those eardrops sit for about 20 minutes. If you get bored, here's a M*A*S*H coloring book. Here's a good one: Hawkeye's antics irritate the other surgeons. [laughs]
- [Dr. Hibbert departs his office. Seeing his office phone unattended, Lisa sees a chance to call the Corey hotline while adhering to the letter of the law of her promise to Homer and Marge that "they will never be billed for another call"]
- Corey: Hi, you've reached the Corey hotline. $4.95 a minute. Here are some words that rhyme with Corey: gory, story, allegory, Montessori...
- [Springfield Retirement Castle. Lisa is visiting Grandpa, who has dozed off. Seeing his phone unguarded, this gives her another chance to sneak a call]
- Corey: Hi, this is Corey. I hope you and I can get married some day.
- [Springfield Elementary School]
- Principal Skinner: Lisa, I know I can trust you to inventory this glee club peanut brittle.
- Lisa: Yes, Principal Skinner.
- Principal Skinner: Now, I've gotta slash 40% out of the budget.
- [Lisa dials the Corey hotline, unaware of the acute hearing of Principal Skinner, who has sharp hearing despite being in the passageway]
- Principal Skinner: [talking to himself] So long...science. Ah, music and art. [hears dialing] What in blazes!? Good Lord. That's a 900-number!
- Corey: Let's see what's in the newspaper today. Hmm...Canada stalls on trade pact...
- [Principal Skinner enters the storeroom. Lisa has been caught]
- [Homer has run out of the house naked]
- Flanders: Hey, Homie, I can see your doodle.
- Homer: Shut up, Flanders.
- [During "Show & Tell" at school]
- Bart: Someday, I want to be an F-14 pilot like my hero Tom. He lent me this new weapon called a neuro-disruptor. [aims it and fires it at Martin, who convulses and collapses; the other kids applaud politely]
- Ms. Krabappel: He's not dead, is he, Bart?
- Bart: Nah, but I wouldn't give him any homework for a while.
- Ms. Krabappel: Very good, Bart. Thank you.
- Bart: Oh, don't thank me. Thank an unprecedented 8-year military build-up.
- Ms. Krabappel: Hmm. Milhouse, you're next.
- Milhouse: Uh, (shows a toy horse) I have a horsie. (imitates the horse neigh, then sighs)
- Nelson: Wuss!
- Homer: What am I supposed to do!
- Homer's Brain: Pick up Bart! Pick up Bart!
- Homer: "Pick a bar?" What the hell is "pick a bar?"
- TV Announcer: Tonight, on "Wings"... Ah, who cares?
- Homer: [to Bart] Where you goin', boy?
- Bart: Father/Son picnic.
- Homer: Have a good time. (Bart slams the front door) Wait a minute.
- Bart: [to Tom] You've been really great to me, but there's probably some other kid who needs you even more.
- Tom: Bart, I could kiss you. If the "Bigger Brothers" didn't make me sign a form promising I wouldn't.
- Pepe: I love you, Papa Homer.
- Homer: I love you, too, Pepsi.
- Pepe: Pepi.
- Homer: Pepi.
- Bart: Remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you screamed, "I'm a hemophiliac!" and when he let you go, you kicked him in the back?
- Homer: Yeah.
- Bart: Will you teach me how to do that?
- Homer: Sure, boy. First, you gotta shriek like a woman and keep sobbing until he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some back. And then when he's lying down on the ground...
- Bart: Yeah.
- Homer: Kick him in the ribs.
- Bart: Yeah.
- Homer: Step on his neck.
- Bart: Yeah.
- Homer: And run like hell.