Simpsons WIki


< Barthood

18,619 articles being
edited here
Add New Page
Add New Page Talk0
Paths of Glory
The Girl Code
Homer-doh D'oh! This article is a stub. You can help the wiki by embiggening it.
(6 years old Bart and Homer are laying down on the grass looking to the sky)
Bart: Why is the sky blue?
Homer: Hmm... I don't know. Just is.
Bart: Why are clouds white?
Homer: No clue.
Bart: Why are people yellow?
Homer: It's the way God made them.
Bart: Why is grass green?
Homer: So you can find your damn golf ball! Now I have a question for you: Why did you leave your toy car on the stairs? (the camera zooms out, revealing many injuries on Homer's body)
Bart: Why is blood red?
Homer: Why do you ask?
Bart: It's coming out your ear.
Homer: D'oh!

(Frink is trying to teach 8 years old Bart how to read)
Bart: (trying to read) S-See the m-m-mou m-m-m... (6 years old Lisa grabs his book)
Lisa: See the mouse. Mouse hits cat. Cat goes splat!
Frink: Very good, Lisa. Very, very good! And with barely any knowledge of diphthongs, sibilants and phonemes... (she walks away giggling)
Bart: How come she can read and I can't?
Frink: All right, calm down, young man, not to worry. You won't need to read! You see, customers will just point to a picture of the burger that they want you to flip. (screams) Because you're not gonna have any... thing going.

(At Bart's 12th birthday)
Homer, Marge and Lisa: Happy birthday!
Bart: Well, thanks! But you know I'm not into Krusty anymore.
Marge: (sad) You've outgrown Krusty? First no more "ay, caramba," now this?
Bart: Mom, don't...
Marge: ...have Have a cow, man?
Bart: I was gonna say "don't have a foolish attachment to the past."
Homer: Come on, boy. Humor your mother.
Bart: Oh, fine! Don't have a cow, Man!
Marge: Yeah...

(Marge and Lisa leave for a camp, leaving Homer and Bart alone)
Homer: So, boy, look at this! Just us guys, huh?
Bart: (on the cellphone) Mm-hmm.
Homer: (chuckles) Glad we've got the whole summer, 'cause we got a lot to talk about.
Bart: Yeah, I guess.
Homer: Let's see... Hmm... oh! When you replace windshield wipers, you only need to switch out the rubber part, not the whole blade!
Bart: Huh, where can you buy just the rubber part?
Homer: I don't know. (brief silence) Well, I'm glad I told you that before I died. So, uh, I'll go to Moe's while you sort it out, huh? (Homer leaves Bart alone)

(Lisa revives Bart after he hits the ground too hard in one of the BMX tricks)
Lisa: Yes! Yes!! Thank God I aced chest compressions at Mayo pre-med camp!
Narator: And Bart's okay! The real star of this BMX tournament is Lisa Simpson!
Crowd: (chanting): Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!
Bart: (Pushes her) You've ruined everything I've ever done!
Lisa: (Pushes him back) Move! Quick!
Bart: (crossing his arms) No! (a helmet falls on Bart's head making him unconscious again)
Lisa: Warned ya'.

(At Milhouse's graduation party)
Kirk: Friends, family, and a few people we hired to make our son look more popular
Barney: I love Milton!
Milhouse: Dad, you're embarrassing me! As usual.
Luann: (angry at Kirk) Yes, it's the only thing your father does well.
Milhouse: Can't you two put it aside for one night in honor of me?
Kirk and Luann: No!
Milhouse: (sad) Oh...
Lisa: Ah, what the heck? Congratulations, Milhouse. You made it through adolescence and you're cuter than ever! (Kisses Milhouse on the cheek)
Milhouse: Oh, sweet Lisa! You know I had a rocky childhood with all the rocks they threw at me. You're the most amazing thing at this party!
Krusty the Clown: Well, excuse me! (takes off with a balloon and crashes it seconds later)
Bart: (groans) I'm not even the best Simpson at my best friend's party! (To Lisa) Do you know what it's like to be second-best at anything?
Lisa: (angry at Bart) Yeah, I do! I'm going to Yale! Listen here, Bart Simpson! I am sick and tired of you blaming me for every setback you've ever had!! And you have talents, too, you idiot. You're a hell of an artist, even though you don't do anything with it!
Bart: You... think... I'm an artist?
Lisa: And you already have a true artist's most important asset: A miserable life. So if that's all my fault, you're welcome. (Bart leaves the Party)

(Bart is in his bike customization shop when Nelson enters)
Bart: Hey man, you're looking good.
Nelson: Thank God Lisa invented the artificial pituitary. (Bart looks angrily at him) Sorry, didn't mean to use the "L" word. Listen man, a certain someone convinced me to go around giving back the lunch money I took. Here's the first five thousand. (Gives $5.000 to Bart)
Bart: Wow, Thanks! What got into you?
Lisa: (from the sidewalk in front of the shop) Nelson, come on! We'll miss day six of the Bolivian Film Festival!
Bart: You guys are dating?
Nelson: Is there any other reason I'd be going to a Bolivian Film Festival?

(18 years old Bart and Homer are laying down on the grass looking to the sky)
Bart: Why are clouds brown?
Homer: Pollution.
Bart: Why is the grass green?
Homer: Because it's artificial. (the sprinklers turn on)
Bart: Then why are the sprinklers coming on?
Homer: Because I was too lazy to unhook them. (brief silence)
Bart: Why aren't we moving?
Homer: Because you're drunk and I'm stoned.
Bart: (takes a sip of beer) Why does beer taste so good?
Homer: Because you've just had seven.
Bart: Did you like the movie Boyhood?
Homer: Oh, is that what this was!?
Bart: How many years of hair do I have left?
Homer: It disappears as soon as girls like you.
Bart: What's the secret of life?
Homer: You can avoid a lot of awkward situations by pretending to be on the phone.
Bart: Like what?
Homer: Hold on, I got to take this call.

Season 26 Season 27 Quotes Season 28
Every Man's DreamCue DetectivePufflessHalloween of HorrorTreehouse of Horror XXVIFriend with BenefitLisa with an "S"Paths of GloryBarthoodThe Girl CodeTeenage Mutant Milk-caused HurdlesMuch Apu About SomethingLove Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4Gal of Constant SorrowLisa the VeterinarianThe Marge-ian ChroniclesThe Burns CageLisa Got Her Marge BackFland CanyonTo Courier with LoveSimprovisedOrange is the New Yellow

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki