|D'oh!||This article is a stub. You can help the wiki by embiggening it.|
- (6 years old Bart and Homer are laying down on the grass looking to the sky)
- Bart: Why is the sky blue?
- Homer: Hmm... I don't know. Just is.
- Bart: Why are clouds white?
- Homer: No clue.
- Bart: Why are people yellow?
- Homer: It's the way God made them.
- Bart: Why is grass green?
- Homer: So you can find your damn golf ball! Now I have a question for you: Why did you leave your toy car on the stairs? (the camera zooms out, revealing many injuries on Homer's body)
- Bart: Why is blood red?
- Homer: Why do you ask?
- Bart: It's coming out your ear.
- Homer: D'oh!
- (Frink is trying to teach 8 years old Bart how to read)
- Bart: (trying to read) S-See the m-m-mou m-m-m... (6 years old Lisa grabs his book)
- Lisa: See the mouse. Mouse hits cat. Cat goes splat!
- Frink: Very good, Lisa. Very, very good! And with barely any knowledge of diphthongs, sibilants and phonemes... (she walks away giggling)
- Bart: How come she can read and I can't?
- Frink: All right, calm down, young man, not to worry. You won't need to read! You see, customers will just point to a picture of the burger that they want you to flip. (screams) Because you're not gonna have any... thing going.
- (At Bart's 12th birthday)
- Homer, Marge and Lisa: Happy birthday!
- Bart: Well, thanks! But you know I'm not into Krusty anymore.
- Marge: (sad) You've outgrown Krusty? First no more "ay, caramba," now this?
- Bart: Mom, don't...
- Marge: ...have Have a cow, man?
- Bart: I was gonna say "don't have a foolish attachment to the past."
- Homer: Come on, boy. Humor your mother.
- Bart: Oh, fine! Don't have a cow, Man!
- Marge: Yeah...
- (Marge and Lisa leave for a camp, leaving Homer and Bart alone)
- Homer: So, boy, look at this! Just us guys, huh?
- Bart: (on the cellphone) Mm-hmm.
- Homer: (chuckles) Glad we've got the whole summer, 'cause we got a lot to talk about.
- Bart: Yeah, I guess.
- Homer: Let's see... Hmm... oh! When you replace windshield wipers, you only need to switch out the rubber part, not the whole blade!
- Bart: Huh, where can you buy just the rubber part?
- Homer: I don't know. (brief silence) Well, I'm glad I told you that before I died. So, uh, I'll go to Moe's while you sort it out, huh? (Homer leaves Bart alone)
- (Lisa revives Bart after he hits the ground too hard in one of the BMX tricks)
- Lisa: Yes! Yes!! Thank God I aced chest compressions at Mayo pre-med camp!
- Narator: And Bart's okay! The real star of this BMX tournament is Lisa Simpson!
- Crowd: (chanting): Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!
- Bart: (Pushes her) You've ruined everything I've ever done!
- Lisa: (Pushes him back) Move! Quick!
- Bart: (crossing his arms) No! (a helmet falls on Bart's head making him unconscious again)
- Lisa: Warned ya'.
- (At Milhouse's graduation party)
- Kirk: Friends, family, and a few people we hired to make our son look more popular
- Barney: I love Milton!
- Milhouse: Dad, you're embarrassing me! As usual.
- Luann: (angry at Kirk) Yes, it's the only thing your father does well.
- Milhouse: Can't you two put it aside for one night in honor of me?
- Kirk and Luann: No!
- Milhouse: (sad) Oh...
- Lisa: Ah, what the heck? Congratulations, Milhouse. You made it through adolescence and you're cuter than ever! (Kisses Milhouse on the cheek)
- Milhouse: Oh, sweet Lisa! You know I had a rocky childhood with all the rocks they threw at me. You're the most amazing thing at this party!
- Krusty the Clown: Well, excuse me! (takes off with a balloon and crashes it seconds later)
- Bart: (groans) I'm not even the best Simpson at my best friend's party! (To Lisa) Do you know what it's like to be second-best at anything?
- Lisa: (angry at Bart) Yeah, I do! I'm going to Yale! Listen here, Bart Simpson! I am sick and tired of you blaming me for every setback you've ever had!! And you have talents, too, you idiot. You're a hell of an artist, even though you don't do anything with it!
- Bart: You... think... I'm an artist?
- Lisa: And you already have a true artist's most important asset: A miserable life. So if that's all my fault, you're welcome. (Bart leaves the party)
- (Bart is in his bike customization shop when Nelson enters)
- Bart: Hey man, you're looking good.
- Nelson: Thank God Lisa invented the artificial pituitary. (Bart looks angrily at him) Sorry, didn't mean to use the "L" word. Listen man, a certain someone convinced me to go around giving back the lunch money I took. Here's the first five thousand. (Gives $5.000 to Bart)
- Bart: Wow, Thanks! What got into you?
- Lisa: (from the sidewalk in front of the shop) Nelson, come on! We'll miss day six of the Bolivian Film Festival!
- Bart: You guys are dating?
- Nelson: Is there any other reason I'd be going to a Bolivian Film Festival?
- (18 years old Bart and Homer are laying down on the grass looking to the sky)
- Bart: Why are clouds brown?
- Homer: Pollution.
- Bart: Why is the grass green?
- Homer: Because it's artificial. (the sprinklers turn on)
- Bart: Then why are the sprinklers coming on?
- Homer: Because I was too lazy to unhook them. (brief silence)
- Bart: Why aren't we moving?
- Homer: Because you're drunk and I'm stoned.
- Bart: (takes a sip of beer) Why does beer taste so good?
- Homer: Because you've just had seven.
- Bart: Did you like the movie Boyhood?
- Homer: Oh, is that what this was!?
- Bart: How many years of hair do I have left?
- Homer: It disappears as soon as girls like you.
- Bart: What's the secret of life?
- Homer: You can avoid a lot of awkward situations by pretending to be on the phone.
- Bart: Like what?
- Homer: Hold on, I got to take this call.