Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade/Quotes

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Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade

Large Marge ►

[While Bart is watching the Clock Channel on TV]

TV Announcer: Coming up on the Clock Channel: 6:00.

Bart: Wait, I already saw this one.

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Lisa: Bart, the test is in 2 hours, and you haven't slept in a fortnight!

Bart: What's a fortnight?

Lisa: You should know, it's on the test!

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Mrs. Krabappel: No pressure, children, but these test results will follow you for the rest of your life and beyond the grave.

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Nelson: Ha ha!

Mrs. McConnell: Young man, you're not in this class. What are you doing here?

Nelson: Laughing at jerks.

[Later on the class field trip]

Nelson: Ha ha!

Mrs. McConnell: You weren't on this field trip! How did you get here?

Nelson: Biked.

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Homer: Hey, you can't fool us. We're from the "Learn to Fart" state.

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Lisa: Bart cheated!

Mrs. McConnell: Young lady, in the third grade we don't care for tattletales.

Lisa [moans]: Ohhhhh.

Mrs. McConnell: And we don't care for moaners, either.

Lisa: [starts crying]

Mrs. McConnell: Crying only pushes Bart's grade higher!

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Bart [while Lisa is doing her homework]: Quiet nerds burp only near school.

Lisa: Bart, I'm doing my geography homework.

Bart: I know. That's how you remember the 4 original provinces of Canada. Quebec, New Brunswick, Ontario, Nova Scotia; "Quiet Nerds Burp Only Near School." And here's how you remember the principle exports; "Dogs Eat Barf Solely On Wednesday, Mabel."

Lisa: Stop! I want to learn on my own.

Bart [walks out of the room; hangs from a vent]: Canada's govenor's general; "Clowns Love Haircuts, So Should Lee Marvin's Vallet."

Lisa: Get out! (tries to hit Bart with her book)

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Bart: And the Lord said, "Let there be crap!"

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Bart: What?! I gotta be in the same class as her?

Lisa: What?! I gotta be in the same class as him?

Homer: (watching Bart and Lisa on TV) They're gonna be in the same class as each other?!

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Marge: Get back, honky cat.

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[On "Japanese Friends" on TV]

Japanese Chandler: Do you like my new shirt? It says "Reggae Hair Style Rock n' Roll." Could I be more Japanese?

Japanese Phoebe: You are the Emperor of Last Year.

Japanese Chandler: Your comeback shames me.

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Lisa: Bart, I think we're lost.

Bart: I used to be lost, until a friend turned me onto a book. It's called "Lisa is Stupid."

Lisa: You die now! [starts strangling Bart with her necklace]

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[Groundskeeper Willie is carving down Bart and Lisa's names on the Field Trip Memorial for lost kids on field trips.]

Willie: [shedding tears] Ach. Why is it always the kids with the long names? [gulps down from his flask, tosses it away, and finishes the word "Bart"]

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Marge: Hello, Principal Skinner!

Principal Skinner: (speaks fast) Parents who waive their right to sue says what?

Marge: What?

Principal Skinner: (holds up an audio recorder and shuts record off) Got it.

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Homer: Oh, it's red wire to red wire. What idiot dreamed that up?

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Mrs. McConnell: Lisa comes to us from Ms. Hoover… (makes a drinking sound) …while Bart was taught by Mrs. Krabappel. (fake coughs) Slut!

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Tom Brokaw [during the news break]: Oh, Lord, I'm so fat! [vomits in a bucket]

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Principal Skinner: If this episode has taught us anything, it's that nothing works better than the status quo. Bart, you're promoted back to the fourth grade.

Bart: Yeah!

Principal Skinner: And Lisa, you have a choice. You may continue to be challenged in third grade, or return to second grade and be merely a big fish in a little pond.

Lisa: Big fish! Big fish!

Homer: The status quo.

Milhouse: The status quo? Ay Carumba!

Principal Skinner: That's just sad.

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