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Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade/Quotes

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< Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade

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How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade
Large Marge
[While Bart is watching the Clock Channel on TV]
TV Announcer: Coming up on the Clock Channel: 6:00.
Bart: Wait, I already saw this one.

Lisa: Bart, the test is in 2 hours, and you haven't slept in a fortnight!
Bart: What's a fortnight?
Lisa: You should know, it's on the test!

Mrs. Krabappel: No pressure, children, but these test results will follow you for the rest of your life and beyond the grave.

Nelson: Ha ha!
Mrs. McConnell: Young man, you're not in this class. What are you doing here?
Nelson: Laughing at jerks.
[Later on the class field trip]
Nelson: Ha ha!
Mrs. McConnell: You weren't on this field trip! How did you get here?
Nelson: Biked.

Homer: Hey, you can't fool us. We're from the "Learn to Fart" state.

Lisa: Bart cheated!
Mrs. McConnell: Young lady, in the third grade we don't care for tattletales.
Lisa [moans]: Ohhhhh.
Mrs. McConnell: And we don't care for moaners, either.
Lisa: [starts crying]
Mrs. McConnell: Crying only pushes Bart's grade higher!

Bart [while Lisa is doing her homework]: Quiet nerds burp only near school.
Lisa: Bart, I'm doing my geography homework.
Bart: I know. That's how you remember the 4 original provinces of Canada. Quebec, New Brunswick, Ontario, Nova Scotia; "Quiet Nerds Burp Only Near School." And here's how you remember the principle exports; "Dogs Eat Barf Only On Wednesday, Mable."
Lisa: Stop! I want to learn on my own.
Bart [walks out of the room; hangs from a vent]: Canada's govenor's general; "Clowns Love Haircuts, So Should Lee Marvin's Vallet."
Lisa: Get out! (tries to hit Bart with her book)

Bart: And the Lord said, "Let there be crap!"

Bart: What?! I gotta be in the same class as her?
Lisa: What?! I gotta be in the same class as him?
Homer: (watching Bart and Lisa on TV) They're gonna be in the same class as each other?!

Marge: Get back, honky cat.

[On "Japanese Friends" on TV]
Japanese Chandler: Do you like my new shirt? It says "Reggae Hair Style Rock n' Roll." Could I be more Japanese?
Japanese Phoebe: You are the Emperor of Last Year.
Japanese Chandler: Your comeback shames me.

Lisa: Bart, I think we're lost.
Bart: I used to be lost, until a friend turned me onto a book. It's called "Lisa is Stupid."
Lisa: You die now! [starts strangling Bart with her necklace]

[Groundskeeper Willie is carving down Bart and Lisa's names on the Field Trip Memorial for lost kids on field trips.]
Willie: [shedding tears] Ach. Why is it always the kids with the long names? [gulps down from his flask, tosses it away, and finishes the word "Bart"]

Marge: Hello, Principal Skinner!
Principal Skinner: (speaks fast) Parents who waive their right to sue says what?
Marge: What?
Principal Skinner: (holds up an audio recorder and shuts record off) Got it.

Homer: Oh, it's red wire to red wire. What idiot dreamed that up?

Mrs. McConnell: Lisa comes to us from Ms. Hoover… (makes a drinking sound) …while Bart was taught by Mrs. Krabappel. (fake coughs) Slut!

Tom Brokaw [during the news break]: Oh, Lord, I'm so fat! [vomits in a bucket]

Principal Skinner: If this episode has taught us anything, it's that nothing works better than the status quo. Bart, you're promoted back to the fourth grade.
Bart: Yeah!
Principal Skinner: And Lisa, you have a choice. You may continue to be challenged in third grade, or return to second grade and be merely a big fish in a little pond.
Lisa: Big fish! Big fish!
Homer: The status quo.
Milhouse: The status quo? Ay Carumba!
Principal Skinner: That's just sad.


Season 13 Season 14 Quotes Season 15
Treehouse of Horror XIIIHow I Spent My Strummer VacationBart vs. Lisa vs. the Third GradeLarge MargeHelter ShelterThe Great Louse DetectiveSpecial EdnaThe Dad Who Knew Too LittleThe Strong Arms of the MaPray AnythingBarting OverI'm Spelling as Fast as I CanA Star Is Born-AgainMr. Spritz Goes to WashingtonC.E. D'oh'Scuse Me While I Miss the SkyThree Gays of the CondoDude, Where's My Ranch?Old Yeller-BellyBrake My Wife, PleaseThe Bart of WarMoe Baby Blues

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