Bart to the Future/Quotes

Episode	References	Gags	Appearances	Gallery	Quotes	Credits

◄ Pygmoelian

Bart to the Future

Days of Wine and D'oh'ses ►

Marge: I'm not sure mosquito season is the best time to visit Larva Lake.

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Kent Brockman: According to the latest polls, Americans have emphatically said, "Smell you later," to President Simpson's refund adjustment.

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Marge: Shouldn't we wait for Lisa? She IS the President.

Homer: She knows what time dinner is.

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Flanders: Hi Bart. How much this time?

Bart: Dude, you got me all wrong.

Flanders: Oh, really? Well, just answer me this. Are you holding your moochin' sack?

Bart: [holding a little sack] My little one...

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President Lisa: Oh, Bart could screw everything up.

Secret Service Agent Kearney: You want him…

Lisa: No, just keep him out of my hair.

Kearney: Out of your hair…with extreme severity?

Lisa: No!

Kearney: Come on, every president gets three secret murders. If you don't use them by the end of the term, then pfft, they're gone.

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Lisa: My Administration will focus on the three R's. Reading, writing, and refilling the ocean.

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(Bart and Ralph are locked out and evicted.)

Bart: Ohh, I had half a beer in there! And "Bewitched" is on!

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Bart: I can't believe "Smell you later" replaced good-bye.

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Indian Casino Owner: If you want to see your future, throw a prized item into the fire. [Bart throws something in the fire and it pops] Not a firecracker!

Bart: Hey, I bought it off an Indian on your reservation.

Indian Casino Owner: That's crazy talk!

Bart: No, it's true.

Indian Casino Owner: No, that's my brother, Crazy Talk. We're all a little worried about him.

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Homer: Gold bars found by Marge: zero. Gold bars found by Homer: We'll find out. [hits through the ceiling of Lisa's office]

Lisa: Dad?!

Marge: Gold bars found by Homer...

Homer: Shut up.

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Bart: What happened to you man, you used to be cool.

Homer: I'm still cool!

Bart: Nah! You've changed, man.

Homer: Well, I do have this robotic prostate, but you can't see it! Oh, you can.

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Chinese Guy: You pay now! Now!

Bart: What happened to you, China? You used to be cool.

Chinese Guy: Hey, China's still cool! You pay later! Later!

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Homer: What a bleak and horrible future we live in!

Bart: Don't you mean "present"?

Homer: Right, right. Present.

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Bart: [to Lisa] I figured I could be your, like, co-president.

Lisa: Co-president? Are you crazy?

Bart: Mom, Lisa won't share!

Marge: Be nice to your brother, Lisa.

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Ralph: Smell ya later, Bart. Smell ya later forever.

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Lisa: As you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump. How bad is it, Secretary Van Houten?

Milhouse: [shows a chart] We're broke.

Lisa: The country is broke? How can that be?

Milhouse: Well, remember when the last administration decided to invest in our nation's children? Big mistake.

President Lisa's Aide: The balanced breakfast program just created a generation of ultra-strong super-criminals.

Milhouse: And midnight basketball taught them to function without sleep.

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Marge: So what did everyone do today?

Lisa: Appointed a Supreme Court justice.

Marge: Oh.

Bart: "Bewitched" marathon.

Marge: Hmm.

Homer: Searched for Lincoln's gold.

Lisa: Dad, that's just a myth. Lincoln didn't hide any gold in the White House.

Homer: Then what is his ghost protecting?

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Lisa: If I'm going to bail the country out, I'll have to raise taxes, but in my speech I'd like to avoid calling it a "painful emergency tax."

Milhouse: What about, "colossal salary grab."

Lisa: See, that has the same problem. We need to soften the blow.

Milhouse: Well, if you just want to out-and-out lie ...Okay, we could call it a, "temporary refund adjustment."

Lisa: I love it.

Milhouse: Really? What else do you love, Lisa?

Lisa: Fiscal solvency.

Milhouse: [disappointedly] Oh. Yeah, me too.

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Lisa: You know something, Bart, you're right. My lack of coolness is really holding America back.

Bart: Thank you. Down low! [extends his hand, but retracts it when Lisa tries to slap it] Too slow!

Lisa: [laughs weakly] You're too much, Bart. That's why I'm appointing you, "Secretary of Keeping It Real."

Bart: Wow? You're really asking for my help?

Lisa: Absolutely. I want you and your pals to go away to Camp David and write up a report on coolness.[escorts Bart to the door]

Bart: Well, if my country needs me ... can we skinny dip?

Lisa: At Camp David? Sure. They couldn't keep pants on Kissinger.

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[When Homer is digging for Lincoln's Gold in the White House lawn and finds something]

Homer: [hauls a chest from one of the holes] Marge, I did it! I found Lincoln's gold! [opens up the chest and finds a piece of paper] Huh?

Marge: [picks up the paper and reads it] Dear Countryman. You've come in search of my gold, and I will not disappoint you.

Homer: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

Marge: My gold is in the heart of every freedom-loving American.

Homer: Aw, crap!

Marge: It's in our mighty rivers, our majestic... well, isn't that clever? It's a metaphor.

Homer: [pounds the ground with his shovel] That lying, rail-splitting, theater-going freak!

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Lisa: [to Bart] There you are! Come on, we have to go. Dad pushed a waitress and Mom lost $20 thousand dollars.

Bart: You're not going to believe it, Lis. This cool Indian guy showed me our future.

Lisa: Really? Anything good?

Bart: I'll say! I've got my own band, and a moped.

Lisa: What about me?

Bart: Eh, some government job.

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Bart: [during "Gracie Films" jingle] Moochie, moochie!