|Bart to the Future||
- Marge: I'm not sure mosquito season is the best time to visit Larva Lake.
- Kent Brockman: According to the latest polls, Americans have emphatically said, "Smell you later," to President Simpson's refund adjustment.
- Marge: Shouldn't we wait for Lisa? She IS the President.
- Homer: She knows what time dinner is.
- Flanders: Hi Bart. How much this time?
- Bart: Dude, you got me all wrong.
- Flanders: Oh, really? Well, just answer me this. Are you holding your moochin' sack?
- Bart: [holding a little sack] My little one...
- President Lisa: Oh, Bart could screw everything up.
- Secret Service Agent Kearney: You want him…
- Lisa: No, just keep him out of my hair.
- Kearney: Out of your hair…with extreme severity?
- Lisa: No!
- Kearney: Come on, every president gets three secret murders. If you don't use them by the end of the term, then pfft, they're gone.
- Lisa: My Administration will focus on the three R's. Reading, writing, and refilling the ocean.
- (Bart and Ralph are locked out and evicted.)
- Bart: Ohh, I had half a beer in there! And "Bewitched" is on!
- Bart: I can't believe "Smell you later" replaced good-bye.
- Indian Casino Owner: If you want to see your future, throw a prized item into the fire. [Bart throws something in the fire and it pops] Not a firecracker!
- Bart: Hey, I bought it off an Indian on your reservation.
- Indian Casino Owner: That's crazy talk!
- Bart: No, it's true.
- Indian Casino Owner: No, that's my brother, Crazy Talk. We're all a little worried about him.
- Homer: Gold bars found by Marge: zero. Gold bars found by Homer: We'll find out. [hits through the ceiling of Lisa's office]
- Lisa: Dad?!
- Marge: Gold bars found by Homer...
- Homer: Shut up.
- Bart: What happened to you man, you used to be cool.
- Homer: I'm still cool!
- Bart: Nah! You've changed, man.
- Homer: Well, I do have this robotic prostate, but you can't see it! Oh, you can.
- Chinese Guy: You pay now! Now!
- Bart: What happened to you, China? You used to be cool.
- Chinese Guy: Hey, China's still cool! You pay later! Later!
- Homer: What a bleak and horrible future we live in!
- Bart: Don't you mean "present"?
- Homer: Right, right. Present.
- Bart: [to Lisa] I figured I could be your, like, co-president.
- Lisa: Co-president? Are you crazy?
- Bart: Mom, Lisa won't share!
- Marge: Be nice to your brother, Lisa.
- Ralph: Smell ya later, Bart. Smell ya later forever.
- Lisa: As you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump. How bad is it, Secretary Van Houten?
- Milhouse: [shows a chart] We're broke.
- Lisa: The country is broke? How can that be?
- Milhouse: Well, remember when the last administration decided to invest in our nation's children? Big mistake.
- President Lisa's Aide: The balanced breakfast program just created a generation of ultra-strong super-criminals.
- Milhouse: And midnight basketball taught them to function without sleep.
- Marge: So what did everyone do today?
- Lisa: Appointed a Supreme Court justice.
- Marge: Oh.
- Bart: "Bewitched" marathon.
- Marge: Hmm.
- Homer: Searched for Lincoln's gold.
- Lisa: Dad, that's just a myth. Lincoln didn't hide any gold in the White House.
- Homer: Then what is his ghost protecting?
- Lisa: If I'm going to bail the country out, I'll have to raise taxes, but in my speech I'd like to avoid calling it a "painful emergency tax."
- Milhouse: What about, "colossal salary grab."
- Lisa: See, that has the same problem. We need to soften the blow.
- Milhouse: Well, if you just want to out-and-out lie ...Okay, we could call it a, "temporary refund adjustment."
- Lisa: I love it.
- Milhouse: Really? What else do you love, Lisa?
- Lisa: Fiscal solvency.
- Milhouse: [disappointedly] Oh. Yeah, me too.
- Lisa: You know something, Bart, you're right. My lack of coolness is really holding America back.
- Bart: Thank you. Down low! [extends his hand, but retracts it when Lisa tries to slap it] Too slow!
- Lisa: [laughs weakly] You're too much, Bart. That's why I'm appointing you, "Secretary of Keeping It Real."
- Bart: Wow? You're really asking for my help?
- Lisa: Absolutely. I want you and your pals to go away to Camp David and write up a report on coolness.[escorts Bart to the door]
- Bart: Well, if my country needs me ... can we skinny dip?
- Lisa: At Camp David? Sure. They couldn't keep pants on Kissinger.
- [When Homer is digging for Lincoln's Gold in the White House lawn and finds something]
- Homer: [hauls a chest from one of the holes] Marge, I did it! I found Lincoln's gold! [opens up the chest and finds a piece of paper] Huh?
- Marge: [picks up the paper and reads it] Dear Countryman. You've come in search of my gold, and I will not disappoint you.
- Homer: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
- Marge: My gold is in the heart of every freedom-loving American.
- Homer: Aw, crap!
- Marge: It's in our mighty rivers, our majestic... well, isn't that clever? It's a metaphor.
- Homer: [pounds the ground with his shovel] That lying, rail-splitting, theater-going freak!
- Lisa: [to Bart] There you are! Come on, we have to go. Dad pushed a waitress and Mom lost $20 thousand dollars.
- Bart: You're not going to believe it, Lis. This cool Indian guy showed me our future.
- Lisa: Really? Anything good?
- Bart: I'll say! I've got my own band, and a moped.
- Lisa: What about me?
- Bart: Eh, some government job.
- Bart: [during "Gracie Films" jingle] Moochie, moochie!