|Bart of Darkness||
- Hans Moleman: Well, you're certainly doing your job, Mr. Sun.(Hans' glasses act as a burning glass with the sun's rays and ignite his shirt on fire)
- Hans Moleman: Oh rats!
- Ice Cream Man: (shouting as he drives by) Ice cream! Ice cream! We are all out of ice cream!
- Ned Flanders: (yelling in grief) I'M A MUR-DIDDLY-ER-DLER!!!
- Bart: If that's not Flanders, he's done his homework.
- Martin: Take your best shot. I'm wearing seventeen layers.
- (kids mob Martin tearing off his shorts)
- Martin: Ha ha ha! Oh....I brought this on myself.
- Lisa: Dad, as you know, we've been swimming and we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getting a pool is the only way to go. Now before you respond, you must understand that your refusal will result in months and months of..
- Bart and Lisa: Can we have a pool, dad? Can we have a pool, dad? Can we have a pool, dad? Can we have a pool, dad? Can we have a pool, dad?
- Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our new arrangement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
- Lisa: Shut up, brain! I've got friends now. I don't need you anymore.
- Marge: [to Bart] Mmm, I wish you'd stop spreading bad rumors about people. Remember how you got Grampa tarred and feathered?
- Bart: Sure, that was 20 minutes ago.
- Bart: I'm telling you, Ned Flanders murdered his wife!
- Homer: But why? She's such a fox! I mean, what's on Fox tonight? Something ribald, no doubt...
- Bart: Oh no, he's going to kill Rod and Todd! That's horrible...in theory.
- Bart: But I saw the murder and then I saw you bury the corpse in the back yard!
- Ned: (crying) All right, it's true. I am a murderer! (everyone gasps) I over watered Maude's favorite ficus plant, I panicked, then I buried the remains! (Maude gasps) I was hoping to replace it before you got home.
- Bart: But I heard a woman scream.
- Ned: Oh? Well, now that I can't explain.
- Lou: (holds up the plant) Found it, Chief.
- Ned: (screams like a woman)
- Bart: Oh. Well, I guess that explains everything.
- Homer: Not everything! There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife!
- Maude: Um, I'm right here.
- Homer: (sarcastically) Oh, I see. Then everything is wrapped up in a neat little PACKAGE! (everyone looks at him) Really, I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic.
- Chief Wiggum: (to a skinny-dipping Homer and Marge) Do not be alarmed. Continue swimming naked. Aw, come on, continue! Come on! Aw. All right, Lou, open fire.
- Otto: (about the Pool-mobile) Sorry, Bart dude. We gotta fill this thing with Epsom Salt and jam it on over to the old folks' home.
- Marge: Is it true that we should wait at least an hour after eating before we go in?
- Pool Salesman: Look, question lady, this job is not what I really do. I play keyboards.
- (Bart falls from the treehouse)
- Nelson: Pardon me a moment, Ha-ha!
- Milhouse: Hey Nelson, he's really hurt. I think he broke his leg.
- Nelson: I said "Ha-ha!"
- Jimbo: Hello, Mrs. ... Bart. Is your pool ready yet?
- Marge: Hrmmm...
- (Several children walk through the kitchen as Marge is making peanut butter sandwiches.)
- Marge: Bart, are all these children friends of yours?
- Bart: (with his mouth full) Friends and well-wishers, yes.