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Bart Sells His Soul/Quotes

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Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
Bart Sells His Soul
Lisa the Vegetarian
Reverend Lovejoy: [discovering Bart's hymn prank] Wait a minute! This sounds like rock and/or roll!
Sunday school room. Reverend Lovejoy has assembled all the children to find the culprit.
Reverend Lovejoy: So repeat after me.
Reverend Lovejoy & Children: (in unison) If I withhold the truth may I go straight to Hell where I will eat naught but burning hot coals and drink naught but burning hot cola.
Children are visibly terrified except for Bart.
Ralph: (afraid) Where fiery demons will punch me in the back. 
Bart: (sarcastically) Where my soul will be chopped into confetti and strewn upon a parade of murderers and single mothers.
Milhouse: (serious) Where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds!
Outdoors a raven looks through the window at Milhouse.
Raven: Squawk!
Milhouse: Bart did it! That Bart right there!
Bart: Milhouse!

(Reverend Lovejoy punishes Bart by making him clean the pipe organ.)
Reverend Lovejoy: I want you to clean every one of these organ pipes that you have befouled with your popular music! Now get to work!
Reverend Lovejoy goes to his office.
Bart: You shank! How could you tell on me?
Milhouse: Well, I didn't want hungry birds pecking my soul forever.
Bart: Soul? Come on Milhouse, there's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they make up to scare kids, like the Boogeyman or Michael Jackson. (See References for explanation.)
Milhouse: But every religion says there's a soul, Bart. Why would they lie? What would they have to gain?
Reverend Lovejoy's office. He is placing the tithe money in a money segregator.
Reverend Lovejoy {shouting}: I don't hear scrubbing!
Bart and Milhouse resume cleaning the pipe organ.
Bart: (sarcastically) If your soul's real where is it?
Milhouse points towards his temple.
Milhouse: It's kinda in here. And when you sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape. Saying 'God bless you' crams it back in, and when you die, it squirms out and flies away.
Bart: (unimpressed) Uh-huh. What if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean?
Milhouse: Oh, it can swim. It's even got wheels, in case you die in the desert and it has to drive to the cemetery.
Bart: How can someone with glasses that thick be so stupid? I don't have a soul, you don't have a soul, there's no such thing as a soul!
Milhouse: Fine. If you're so sure about that, why don't you sell your soul to me?

Bart is at the Kwik-E-Mart. He cannot get the automatic door to work for him.
Bart: (talking to himself) Stupid automatic door.
Door opens for Rod and Todd Flanders.
Rod and Tod: (in unison) Thank you, door!
Bart enters Kwik-E-Mart, tailing in on the entry of the Flanders brothers. He sees Jimbo by the ice cream freezer.
Jimbo breathes on the glass, then writes on it with his finger
Writing: BITE ME.
Dolph: Some ice cream guy's gonna see that, and it'll blow his mind.
Bart: Let me try.
Bart attempts to breathe on his graffiti but nothing happens.
Jimbo: Way to breathe, No-Breath!

Lisa: [saying Grace] Lord, have mercy on my soul, and Mom's soul, and Dad's soul, and Maggie's soul, and let every soul in Christendom...
A meatball hits her.
Marge: Bart!
Bart: I can't take this anymore! I want my soul, and I want it now!
Bart runs out of Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag.
Homer: Bart! You didn't finish your spaghetti and Moe-balls!
Homer's brain: Silence, you fool. It can be ours.
Homer shovels Bart's spaghetti into his mouth.
Homer: [mouth full] Run boy! Run! Run for your life! Boy?

Bart: [praying] Are you there, God? It's me, Bart Simpson. I know I never paid too much attention at church, but I could really use some of that good stuff now. I'm...afraid. I'm afraid some weirdo's got my soul and I don't know what they're doing to it! I just want it back. Please? [starts crying] Oh, I hope you can hear this. [Bart's "soul paper" floats down from above; Bart happily embraces it and sees Lisa] Lisa, you bought this?
Lisa: With the change in my piggy bank.
Bart: There's no change in your piggy bank.
Lisa: Not any of the ones you know of.
Bart: Oh Lis, thank you. (Kisses Lisa)

Season 6 Season 7 Quotes Season 8
Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)Radioactive ManHome Sweet Homediddly-Dum-DoodilyBart Sells His SoulLisa the VegetarianTreehouse of Horror VIKing-Size HomerMother SimpsonSideshow Bob's Last GleamingThe Simpsons 138th Episode SpectacularMarge Be Not ProudTeam HomerTwo Bad NeighborsScenes from the Class Struggle in SpringfieldBart the FinkLisa the IconoclastHomer the SmithersThe Day the Violence DiedA Fish Called SelmaBart on the Road22 Short Films About SpringfieldRaging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"Much Apu About NothingHomerpaloozaSummer of 4 Ft. 2

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