Bart: Well, everyone had better keep their mouth shut!
Lisa: You cannot run away from your responsibilities forever. You are bound to fail that test sooner or later.
Bart: I got my bases covered.
[Bart picks up phone and dials Milhouse]
Bart: Milhouse, my man! How was school? I missed Lewis shooting milk out of his nose? You do not say? Listen, on the history test what did you get for Question #1? OK, how about Question #2?
Bart is writing down Milhouse's fed answers. Scene changes to Springfield Elementary, where Bart is confidently writing on the test.
Bart: I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
Bart hands over test to Mrs. Krabappel, who marks it up.
Edna Krabappel: I cannot believe it! This is even worse than Milhouse's exam! Bart Simpson, I warned you this is the final straw.!
[Bart in class. He is stressed at contemplating the seriousness of this situation]
Doctor Pryor: [echoing in Bart's mind] I am afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat the fourth grade.
Edna Krabappel: Class, the topic is world literature...
Bart imagines the future, Edna Krabappel is now elderly
Aged Edna: Alright class, the topic is world literature. What was the pirate's name in Treasure Island? Bart Simpson?
Bart is now a full-grown man
Bart Simpson Senior: Look, lady, I got a peptic ulcer, a wife hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal. Will ya quit bugging me about the stupid pirate?
Bart Simpson Junior (who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father at that age) is seated next to his father, and is presumably a more serious student
Bart Simpson Junior: [whispering] Long John Silver, Dad!
Edna: I heard that Bart Junior! I want to see both of you after class!
Bart Sr: D'oh! Thanks a lot, son!
Bart is stopped by Lisa
Lisa: I heard you last night, Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is, exactly, all I know is He is a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe Him big.
[Bart has had to hide himself in the basement in order to shield himself from the temptation of the fun people are having outdoors with the snow day.]
Bart: [talking to himself] Concentrate, man! Do you want to be held back? OK, Chapter 4. The Founders decided they had enough of British oppression and decided to secede from England...
July 4th, 1776. Bart imagines himself a member of the First Continental Congress witnessing the declaration.
Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Bart: [talking to himself] We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Thomas Jefferson: That all men are created equal.
Bart: [talking to himself] That all men are created equal.
Thomas Jefferson: And are entitled to...
John Mason: Snow!
John Adams: Look everyone! It is snowing!
Thomas Jefferson: Snow in July? It is a miracle!
Robert Morris: Let us go out and play!
First Continental Congress: [in unison] Yeah!
Entire Continental Congress runs outdoors except for Bart, who looks out the window.
John Adams: Look everybody, John wrote his name in the snow!
[Bart in class. Students are finishing their history tests and submit them to the teacher.]
Martin: Later, Mrs. K.
Mrs. Krabappel: Martin? Okay, Bart, time is up. Hand over your test.
Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, could you please grade this right now?
Mrs. Krabappel: Well alright, let me get out "Old Red".
Mrs. Krabappel produces a red pen and begins marking up the test.
Mrs. Krabappel: That's 59, Bart, another F.
Bart: Oh, no... I can't believe it.
Mrs. Krabappel: I know I know, another year together, oh, it's gonna be terrible.
[Bart starts crying]
Mrs. Krabappel: What's the matter, I figure you'd be used to failing by now.
Bart: [still crying] No... you don't understand. I tried this time, I really tried.
Mrs. Krabappel: There, there.
Bart: This is as good as I could do but I still failed!
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, a 59 is a high F...
Bart: Oh, who am I kidding? I really am a failure. [sobs] Oh, now I know how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French in 1754!
Mrs. Krabappel: What?
Bart: Fort Necessity. George Washington lost that battle to the French in 1754.
Mrs. Krabappel skims through a history textbook.
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh my gosh! Bart you're right. You showed applied knowledge! And given the obscurity of that battle, it is only fair to award you one point. That raises your grade to a 60, or D-.
Bart: [overjoyed] You mean I passed?
Mrs. Krabappel: Just barely.
(In order to get out of the test, Bart pretends to be ill)
Doctor: What's the matter, son?
Bart: Sharp pains, in my stomach.
Doctor: Oh, dear. I've heard of this. Do you feel a shooting pain in your arm?
Bart: Both arms, ma'am.
Doctor: Temporary loss of vision?
Bart: Who said that? Come closer.
Bart: I've got to study!
(He closes a door, grabs a candle, and goes downstairs. He opens the book.)
Bart: Chapter Six. Four days in Philadelphia, first... (reads the book, and has a dream with the picture)
Edna: Perhaps you like to tell us the NAME of the Pirate.
Bart: (thinking) Blackbeard, Captain Nemo, Captain Hook, Long John Silver, Peg Leg Pete Bluebeard. (speaks) Bluebeard.