|Bart Gets an "F"||
- [Bart awakens and realizes he has not studied for his test today]
- Bart: Otto, man, I have a test I am so not ready for! Could you help out your pal and crash the bus?
- Otto: Whoa! Sorry, Bart. State law prohibits me from crashing the bus on purpose. But who knows, you may get lucky and we could have an accident!
- Bart: [talking to himself] No need to panic. Just pal up with some brain, sponge the answers, then I am back on Easy Street!
- Sherri: Look! It is Bart Simpson.
- Terri: I will bet he did not study for the test, and now he is trying to play up to us!
- Bart: Good morning girls!
- Sherri and Terri: [sweetly in unison] Good morning, Bart!
- Bart: Who is up for a power cram session? I will go first. What was the name of the Pilgrims' ship?
- Sherri: The Spirit of Saint Louis.
- Bart: Where was their original destination?
- Terri: Sunny Acapulco.
- Bart: And why did they leave England?
- Sherri: Giant rats.
- Sherri and Terri snicker to themselves as Bart is writing in a notebook
- Bart: Cool, history is coming alive!
- School bus arrives at Springfield Elementary. Students exit bus.
- Martin: As a natural enemy, I do not know why I am doing this, but I feel obliged to tell you that the information you just received is grossly erroneous.
- Bart: Speak English, man!
- Martin: A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth stands a better chance at passing this test than you do!
- Bart: [dejectedly] Thanks for the pep talk, poindexter.
- [Bart's bedroom. He has feigned illness to get out of a test.]
- Lisa: Everyone knows you are faking it.
- Bart: Well, everyone had better keep their mouth shut!
- Lisa: You cannot run away from your responsibilities forever. You are bound to fail that test sooner or later.
- Bart: I got my bases covered.
- [Bart picks up phone and dials Milhouse]
- Bart: Milhouse, my man! How was school? I missed Lewis shooting milk out of his nose? You do not say? Listen, on the history test what did you get for Question #1? OK, how about Question #2?
- Bart is writing down Milhouse's fed answers. Scene changes to Springfield Elementary, where Bart is confidently writing on the test.
- Bart: I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
- Bart hands over test to Mrs. Krabappel, who marks it up.
- Edna Krabappel: I cannot believe it! This is even worse than Milhouse's exam! Bart Simpson, I warned you this is the final straw.!
- [Bart in class. He is stressed at contemplating the seriousness of this situation]
- Doctor Pryor: [echoing in Bart's mind] I am afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat the fourth grade.
- Edna Krabappel: Class, the topic is world literature...
- Bart imagines the future, Edna Krabappel is now elderly
- Aged Edna: Alright class, the topic is world literature. What was the pirate's name in Treasure Island? Bart Simpson?
- Bart is now a full-grown man
- Bart Simpson Senior: Look, lady, I got a peptic ulcer, a wife hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal. Will ya quit bugging me about the stupid pirate?
- Bart Simpson Junior (who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father at that age) is seated next to his father, and is presumably a more serious student
- Bart Simpson Junior: [whispering] Long John Silver, Dad!
- Edna: I heard that Bart Junior! I want to see both of you after class!
- Bart Sr: D'oh! Thanks a lot, son!
- Bart is stopped by Lisa.
- Bart: Hey.
- Lisa: I heard you last night, Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is, exactly, all I know is He is a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe Him big.
- [Bart has had to hide himself in the basement in order to shield himself from the temptation of the fun people are having outdoors with the snow day.]
- Bart: [talking to himself] Concentrate, man! Do you want to be held back? OK, Chapter 4. The Founders decided they had enough of British oppression and decided to secede from England...
- July 4th, 1776. Bart imagines himself a member of the First Continental Congress witnessing the declaration.
- Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident.
- Bart: [talking to himself] We hold these truths to be self-evident.
- Thomas Jefferson: That all men are created equal.
- Bart: [talking to himself] That all men are created equal.
- Thomas Jefferson: And are entitled to...
- John Mason: Snow!
- John Adams: Look everyone! It is snowing!
- Thomas Jefferson: Snow in July? It is a miracle!
- Robert Morris: Let us go out and play!
- First Continental Congress: [in unison] Yeah!
- Entire Continental Congress runs outdoors except for Bart, who looks out the window.
- John Adams: Look everybody, John wrote his name in the snow!
- [Bart in class. Students are finishing their history tests and submit them to the teacher.]
- Martin: Later, Mrs. K.
- Mrs. Krabappel: Martin? Okay, Bart, time is up. Hand over your test.
- Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, could you please grade this right now?
- Mrs. Krabappel: Well alright, let me get out "Old Red".
- Mrs. Krabappel produces a red pen and begins marking up the test.
- Mrs. Krabappel: That's 59, Bart, another F.
- Bart: Oh, no... I can't believe it.
- Mrs. Krabappel: I know I know, another year together, oh, it's gonna be he.
- [Bart starts crying]
- Mrs. Krabappel: What's the matter, I figure you'd be used to failing by now.
- Bart: [still crying] No... you don't understand. I tried this time, I really tried.
- Mrs. Krabappel: There, there.
- Bart: This is as good as I could do but I still failed!
- Mrs. Krabappel: Well, a 59 is a high F...
- Bart: Oh, who am I kidding? I really am a failure. [sobs] Oh, now I know how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French in 1754!
- Mrs. Krabappel: What?
- Bart: Fort Necessity. George Washington lost that battle to the French in 1754.
- Mrs. Krabappel skims through a history textbook.
- Mrs. Krabappel: Oh my gosh! Bart you're right. You showed applied knowledge! And given the obscurity of that battle, it is only fair to award you one point. That raises your grade to a 60, or D-.
- Bart: [overjoyed] You mean I passed?
- Mrs. Krabappel: Just barely.
- (In order to get out of the test, Bart pretends to be ill)
- Doctor: What's the matter, son?
- Bart: Sharp pains, in my stomach.
- Doctor: Oh, dear. I've heard of this. Do you feel a shooting pain in your arm?
- Bart: Both arms, ma'am.
- Doctor: Temporary loss of vision?
- Bart: Who said that? Come closer.
- Bart: I've got to study!
- (He closes a door, grabs a candle, and goes downstairs. He opens the book.)
- Bart: Chapter Six. Four days in Philadelphia, first... (reads the book, and has a dream with the picture)
- Edna: Perhaps you like to tell us the NAME of the Pirate.
- Bart: (thinking) Blackbeard, Captain Nemo, Captain Hook, Long John Silver, Peg Leg Pete Bluebeard. (speaks) Bluebeard.
|◄ Season 1||Season 2 Quotes||Season 3 ►|
|Bart Gets an "F" • Simpson and Delilah • Treehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish • Dancin' Homer • Dead Putting Society • Bart vs. Thanksgiving • Bart the Daredevil • Itchy & Scratchy & Marge • Bart Gets Hit by a Car • One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish • The Way We Was • Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment • Principal Charming • Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? • Bart's Dog Gets an F • Old Money • Brush with Greatness • Lisa's Substitute • The War of the Simpsons • Three Men and a Comic Book • Blood Feud|