Some Enchanted Evening
Bart Gets an "F"
Simpson and Delilah
[Bart awakens and realizes he has not studied for his test today]
Bart: Otto, man, I have a test I am so not ready for! Could you help out your pal and crash the bus?
Otto: Whoa! Sorry, Bart. State law prohibits me from crashing the bus on purpose. But who knows, you may get lucky and we could have an accident!
Bart: [talking to himself] No need to panic. Just pal up with some brain, sponge the answers, then I am back on Easy Street!
Sherri: Look! It is Bart Simpson.
Terri: I will bet he did not study for the test, and now he is trying to play up to us!
Bart: Good morning girls!
Sherri and Terri: [sweetly in unison] Good morning, Bart!
Bart: Who is up for a power cram session? I will go first. What was the name of the Pilgrims' ship?
Sherri: The Spirit of Saint Louis.
Bart: Where was their original destination?
Terri: Sunny Acapulco.
Bart: And why did they leave England?
Sherri: Giant rats.
Sherri and Terri snicker to themselves as Bart is writing in a notebook
Bart: Cool, history is coming alive!
School bus arrives at Springfield Elementary. Students exit bus.
Martin: As a natural enemy, I do not know why I am doing this, but I feel obliged to tell you that the information you just received is grossly erroneous.
Bart: Speak English, man!
Martin: A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth stands a better chance at passing this test than you do!
Bart: [dejectedly] Thanks for the pep talk, poindexter.

[Bart's bedroom. He has feigned illness to get out of a test.]
Lisa: Everyone knows you are faking it.
Bart: Well, everyone had better keep their mouth shut!
Lisa: You cannot run away from your responsibilities forever. You are bound to fail that test sooner or later.
Bart: I got my bases covered.
[Bart picks up phone and dials Milhouse]
Bart: Milhouse, my man! How was school? I missed Lewis shooting milk out of his nose? You do not say? Listen, on the history test what did you get for Question #1? OK, how about Question #2?
Bart is writing down Milhouse's fed answers. Scene changes to Springfield Elementary, where Bart is confidently writing on the test.
Bart: I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
Bart hands over test to Mrs. Krabappel, who marks it up.
Edna Krabappel: I cannot believe it! This is even worse than Milhouse's exam! Bart Simpson, I warned you this is the final straw.!

[Bart in class. He is stressed at contemplating the seriousness of this situation]
Doctor Pryor: [echoing in Bart's mind] I am afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat the fourth grade.
Edna Krabappel: Class, the topic is world literature...
Bart imagines the future, Edna Krabappel is now elderly
Aged Edna: Alright class, the topic is world literature. What was the pirate's name in Treasure Island? Bart Simpson?
Bart is now a full-grown man
Bart Simpson Senior: Look, lady, I got a peptic ulcer, a wife hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal. Will ya quit bugging me about the stupid pirate?
Bart Simpson Junior (who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father at that age) is seated next to his father, and is presumably a more serious student
Bart Simpson Junior: [whispering] Long John Silver, Dad!
Edna: I heard that Bart Junior! I want to see both of you after class!
Bart Sr: D'oh! Thanks a lot, son!

Bart is stopped by Lisa.
Bart: Hey.
Lisa: I heard you last night, Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is, exactly, all I know is He is a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe Him big.

[Bart has had to hide himself in the basement in order to shield himself from the temptation of the fun people are having outdoors with the snow day.]
Bart: [talking to himself] Concentrate, man! Do you want to be held back? OK, Chapter 4. The Founders decided they had enough of British oppression and decided to secede from England...
July 4th, 1776. Bart imagines himself a member of the First Continental Congress witnessing the declaration.
Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Bart: [talking to himself] We hold these truths to be self-evident.
Thomas Jefferson: That all men are created equal.
Bart: [talking to himself] That all men are created equal.
Thomas Jefferson: And are entitled to...
John Mason: Snow!
John Adams: Look everyone! It is snowing!
Thomas Jefferson: Snow in July? It is a miracle!
Robert Morris: Let us go out and play!
First Continental Congress: [in unison] Yeah!
Entire Continental Congress runs outdoors except for Bart, who looks out the window.
John Adams: Look everybody, John wrote his name in the snow!

[Bart in class. Students are finishing their history tests and submit them to the teacher.]
Martin: Later, Mrs. K.
Mrs. Krabappel: Martin? Okay, Bart, time is up. Hand over your test.
Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, could you please grade this right now?
Mrs. Krabappel: Well alright, let me get out "Old Red".
Mrs. Krabappel produces a red pen and begins marking up the test.
Mrs. Krabappel: That's 59, Bart, another F.
Bart: Oh, no... I can't believe it.
Mrs. Krabappel: I know I know, another year together, oh, it's gonna be hell.
[Bart starts crying]
Mrs. Krabappel: What's the matter, I figure you'd be used to failing by now.
Bart: [still crying] No... you don't understand. I tried this time, I really tried.
Mrs. Krabappel: There, there.
Bart: This is as good as I could do but I still failed!
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, a 59 is a high F...
Bart: Oh, who am I kidding? I really am a failure. [sobs] Oh, now I know how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French in 1754!
Mrs. Krabappel: What?
Bart: Fort Necessity. George Washington lost that battle to the French in 1754.
Mrs. Krabappel skims through a history textbook.
Mrs. Krabappel: Oh my gosh! Bart you're right. You showed applied knowledge! And given the obscurity of that battle, it is only fair to award you one point. That raises your grade to a 60, or D-.
Bart: [overjoyed] You mean I passed?
Mrs. Krabappel: Just barely.

(In order to get out of the test, Bart pretends to be ill)
Doctor: What's the matter, son?
Bart: Sharp pains, in my stomach.
Doctor: Oh, dear. I've heard of this. Do you feel a shooting pain in your arm?
Bart: Both arms, ma'am.
Doctor: Temporary loss of vision?
Bart: Who said that? Come closer.

Bart: I've got to study!
(He closes a door, grabs a candle, and goes downstairs. He opens the book.)
Bart: Chapter Six. Four days in Philadelphia, first... (reads the book, and has a dream with the picture)

Edna: Perhaps you like to tell us the NAME of the Pirate.
Bart: (thinking) Blackbeard, Captain Nemo, Captain Hook, Long John Silver, Peg Leg Pete Bluebeard. (speaks) Bluebeard.

Season 1 Season 2 Quotes Season 3
Bart Gets an "F"Simpson and DelilahTreehouse of Horror (aka "The Simpsons Halloween Special") • Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every FishDancin' HomerDead Putting SocietyBart vs. ThanksgivingBart the DaredevilItchy & Scratchy & MargeBart Gets Hit by a CarOne Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue FishThe Way We WasHomer vs. Lisa and the 8th CommandmentPrincipal CharmingOh Brother, Where Art Thou?Bart's Dog Gets an FOld MoneyBrush with GreatnessLisa's SubstituteThe War of the SimpsonsThree Men and a Comic BookBlood Feud