Bart: Well, Mrs. K, I have just the book, slash, DVD for you:
"This book uses the ancient power of wanting."
Bart: Hey. Just because we don't understand electricity, doesn't mean we can't enjoy its benefits.
Mrs. Krabappel: (in front of the class) You're children. Why do you all need cell phones?
Bart: (watching Mrs Krabappel in her drunken rampage) Uh oh. Do you think we went too far?
Nelson: Nah. Booze only makes you do things you already wanted to do.
Mrs. Krabappel: (rolling on a giant globe) I'm queen of the world!
Bart: You know, my dad's more fun when he's had a few beers. Maybe Ms. Krabappel would be more fun if we "Irish up" her coffee.
Homer: OK, so there's a big football game on tonight so we can get this over real quick. Show me some of Bart's artwork, give me a little false hope and (hands Zachary some cash and puts it in his vest) here's a little something to help with his grades. I'm not asking for aids, just in completes.
Zachary: Mr. Simpson, I don't need your money! (hands the money back to Homer) Bart can definitely be a challenge but I like challenges! (choking on laughter) and he's got a wild sense of humor, look at this picture he drew. (holds a picture of Homer strangling Bart).
Homer: It will be his last birthday if he keeps drawing pictures like this.
(prepares his fists)
Homer: I said are there any areas that we his parents can improve upon?
Zachary: Yes. Just one: Relax. You're clearly a caring father.
Homer: (quietly sobs) You're the first teacher that ever got me!
Zachary: (approaches Homer and comforts him as Homer sobs louder) Let it out. Let it out. (Homer continues to sob louder and louder). Keep it in. Keep it in.