Troy McClure: Oh, hi. I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin", and "Get Confident, Stupid". Now I'm here to tell you about the only real path to mental health. That's right, it's the Brad Goodman...something or other.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway. Get some cider.
Bart: Otto, are you OK?
Otto: Yeah. Just pop my shoulder back in. [Bart pops Otto's shoulder] Thanks, little buddy!
Homer: [confronting the trampoline with a buzzsaw] Checkmate, Mr. Trampoline.
[Homer charges at the trampoline, screaming in rage, but the cord snaps back, not long enough, pulling him off his feet. He inadvertently tosses the buzzsaw in the air and it coils around the trampoline, along with its cord. Elsewhere, in the kitchen, the plug at the end of the cord is pulled out in the process, taking the socket and a large section of the kitchen wall with it.]
Homer: [leaning against the trampoline in resignation] All right. All right, you win for now. But someday you'll RUST! RUST I TELL YA! [He starts laughing insanely and falls to his knees, Bart approaches]
Bart: Dad. Dad! [Homer stops laughing] Do you really wanna get rid of this trampoline?
Homer: [sober] Uh-huh.
Bart: Observe, a bike lock!
[Bart locks the trampoline to a pole using the bike lock]
Bart: Now just turn around and count to three. One...two...three!
[They turn around and see Snake Jailbird cutting the chain with some kind of shears]
Bart: Uh...better make it five!
Snake: (off-screen) Alright! I got me a bed!
[In a deleted scene, Homer is looking for Brad Goodman in places]
Homer: Oh, no. I'm lost! I'm a lost dad! Brad? Brad?
[Cut to Elementary School.]
Homer: Hello? Anyone here? Hello? [sticks head in the locker] Brad? [tries going under the desk] Brad? [sticking head out the window] Brad? [tries sticking head in the toilet] Brad? [sticks head in the sink] Brad Goodman? [tries going outside in the playground] Brad Goodman? Where are you? [tries going in Krusty Burger] Brad? [sticking underneath the table] Brad? [talks to Krusty Burger janitor cleaning up the mess] Where is Brad Goodman? Have you seen him?
Homer: Closed? Aw, man! [tries going to Kwik-E-Mart instead] Brad? Where is he? Brad Goodman? [to Apu] Where is Brad?
Apu: No. I haven't seen him. The store is closed. There are no people, and nobody's here.
Homer: D'oh! All I wanted was to search for Brad! [tries going outside] Brad Goodman? [sticks head in the dumpster] Brad Goodman? Brad? [notices Brad walking on a sidewalk] Hey, you! I told you not to go outside during nighttime!
Brad: Oh, thank Lord. I was very lonely, and then, the whole store is closed.
Brad: Because, no one is there to open.
Homer: Why, you little! [strangles Brad]
Homer: Okay, the trampoline was a bad idea...but you know what? At least I'm out there trying new things! If it were up to you, all we'd ever do is work and go to church!
Marge: That's not true!
Homer: Name one thing you've done in the past month that was fun!
Marge: I can name ten things! Uh...I made sloppy joes!
Homer: Pfft! That's not fun!
[Scene cuts to the next morning, with Homer and Marge in the living room with Bart and Lisa]
Marge: Kids, tell me the truth. Am I no fun? Do I just nag all the time?
[Marge smiles at Bart and Lisa, expecting them to take her side. Bart and Lisa are a little hesitant, but they ultimately agree with Homer's assessment of Marge being no fun, complete with a montage of some of the times Marge has nagged about something]
Homer: See, Marge?
Marge: I never realized people saw me that way.
Lisa: Are you mad?
Marge (obviously angry but trying to keep her cool): No, I'm fine. I'm going to my sisters' now.
[Marge walks out her to car and drives away, almost hitting Ned Flanders with her car on the way out]
Ned: Ooh! Careful there, Marge, you almost nicked me!
Everyone: [very quickly] Be like the boy! Be like the boy!
Brad Goodman: Just the ladies!
Ladies: Be like boy! Be like boy!
Brad Goodman: Now, the seniors at the back!
Grampa, Jasper and Old Jewish Man: We like Roy! We like Roy!
Kent Brockman: A new mood is in the air in Springfield, as refreshing as a pre-moistened towelette. Folks are finally accepting their feelings and really communicating without holding back. And this reporter thinks it's about (bleep)-ing time!
Brad Goodman: There's no trick to it, it's just a simple trick!