|Alone Again, Natura-Diddily||
- Reverend Lovejoy: In many ways Maude Flanders was a supporting player in our lives. She didn't grab our attention with memorable catch phrases or comical accents.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Aye.
- Horatio McCallister: Yargh.
- Jonathan Frink: Oh glay-vin! Why glay-vin?
- Reverend Lovejoy: But, whether you noticed her or not, Maude was always there...and we thought she always would be. A friend's life is about change. Just yesterday Apu was a lonely bachelor.
- Cuts to Apu with Manjula and the Octuplets.
- Apu: Yes. Thank god those days are over.
- Reverend Lovejoy: And the Van Houtens were enjoying a storybook marriage.
- Cuts to Kirk Van Houten near Luann and Pyro.
- Kirk: Yeah. Lots of storybooks have witches.
- Pyro: Shut up, Kirk!
- Kirk: Sorry.
- Moe: Look, Ned, I know we ain’t hung out much, what with your insane fear of drinking and me being banned from the church and all but eh, that Maude, she was really something.
- Ned: Oh, wasn't she? Thank you Moe, I appreciate that.
- Moe: I really mean it though, If it was you that died, I would have been on her so fast!
- Ned: What are you saying!?
- Moe: What, nothing, she was hot, what? you can't take a compliment?
- Ned: Hot? You Monster!
- Marge: It's hard to believe we're never going to see Maude again.
- Homer: And poor Ned didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Well, from now on, I'm never going to let you leave the room without telling you how much I love you, and how truly special... This is really eating up a lot of time. Maybe just a pat on the butt.
- Bart: Why are you taping Flanders, dad?
- Homer: You'll see. [he chuckles]
- Bart: Do you even have a job anymore?
- Homer: I think it's pretty obvious that I don't.
- Homer: So, how you doin', Ned?
- Ned: Oh, it's been a hard couple of months but I feel like I've turned a corner.
- Homer: Well, that's gonna change, thanks to this tape!
- Ned: Tape?
- Homer: Now the audio needs some tweaking and there's some footage of Maggie being born that I couldn't get rid of. Anyway, enjoy.
- Maude: I like the fresh air, and looking at the poor people in the infield.
- Brandine: Dang, Cletus, why'd you have to park next to my parents?
- Cletus: Now, honey, they's my parents too!
- Female Cheerleader: Who wants a free t-shirt?
- Moe: Me! Me!
- Marge: I do! I do! Wait, no I don't.
- [A shirtless Homer is begging the racetrack cheerleaders to give him a free T-shirt.]
- Homer: I need a shirt! Gimme a shirt!
- Ralph Wiggum: Mommy has bosoms like that!
- Chief Wiggum: [sarcastically] Yeah, I wish.