- Moe: Looks like me and Marge are both going to Hell. That's when I'll make my move.
- Marge: (reading a note from Lisa) I look up to you... because you let me down. That's clever. And devastating.
- Homer: A contractor? Those guys are the biggest crooks around. They charge for materials AND labor. Pick one, jerks!
- Chief Wiggum: Ralphie wants to go on the pill.
- Homer: Stupid Bart, (laughs) bagpipes getting down with an octopus. That's classic.
- Homer: Would you excuse us Milton?
- Milhouse: It's Milhouse.
- Homer: Yeah, and your father's no house. Now scram!
- Bart: I could make the treehouse look like this. Then we can have orgies, whatever they are.
- Milhouse: We'll be Playdude Playmates!
- (Ralph Wiggum cries)
- Wiggum: Sorry, Ralphie. The Bakeoff rejected your recipe.
- Ralph Wiggum: I wanna be in the Bakeoff!
- Wiggum: There, there. I think your Grilled Crayon Sandwich was delicious.
- Ralph: You only had a pretend bite!
- Wiggum: No, I'm eating it, look. (swallows with difficulty)
- Ralph: Can you taste the thumbtacks?
- Wiggum: Aw, crap...
- Lisa: (after discovering Marge was cheating on the competition) I can't believe my mom would cheat.
- Homer: Hey sweetie, is mom winning?
- Lisa: Oh, she'll win the contest! but she'll loose her soul.
- Homer: But she'll still win the contest?
- Lisa: And loose her soul.
- Homer: But win the contest?
- Lisa: (annoyed) Yes.
- Homer: Woo Hoo!!
- Apu: (puts on disguise) Apu? Never heard of him. My name is Steve Barnes.
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