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A Tale of Two Springfields/Quotes

< A Tale of Two Springfields

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Treehouse of Horror XI
A Tale of Two Springfields
Insane Clown Poppy
Homer: I can't believe those rats deserted us. They couldn't take one lousy famine!

Kent Brockman: [about the people of New Springfield] Scientists say they're also less attractive physically, and while we speak in a well-educated manner, they tend to use low-brow expressions like "Oh, yeah?" and "Come here a minute!"
Homer: Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, come here a minute!
Bart: You come here a minute!
Homer: Oh, yeah?

Bart: C'mon, Lis, there's gotta be a way to lure that badger out.
Lisa: [searching the Internet] Well, according to whatbadgerseat.com, badgers subsist primarily on a diet of stoats voles, and marmots.
Bart: [searches through the kitchen cabinets] Hmm, stoats ... stoats ...
Lisa: Stoats are weasels, Bart. They don't come in cans.
Bart: Then what's this? [holds up a can]
Lisa: That's corn, Bart.
Bart: Must you embarrass me?

Homer: Television broken?
Bart: No. There's a badger in there.
Homer: Badger my ass! It's probably Milhouse. [crawls into the doghouse] Milhouse … Milhouse! [the badger attacks Homer; Homer screams and comes out] It's a badger, all right. Possibly a griffin. Bart, do you have any dynamite in your room?
Bart: Tons.
Homer: Get it.
Lisa: No, Dad, we don't want to kill him. Let's call Animal Control.
Homer: Great idea. Then we should call the doctor about this. [lifts up his shirt, revealing a hole in his chest that shows his internal organs]
Lisa: How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Homer: What am I, a tailor?

[As Homer tries to call Animal Control, but gets a tri-tone]
Phone Operator: Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please make sure you have the correct area code.
Homer: Area code? But it's a local call!
Marge: The phone company ran out of numbers, so they split the city into two area codes. Half the town keeps the old 636 area code, and our half gets 939.
Homer: 939!? What the hell is that!? Oh, my life is ruined.
Marge: Jeez, you just have to remember three extra numbers.
Homer: Oh, if only it were that easy, Marge. [the badger appears at the window] Go away! We got bigger problems now. [the badger leaves]

Homer: [writing "939" on his hand] I hate this new area code. Like I don't have enough to remember already. [looks at his other hand, which has "Lenny = white, Carl = black" written on it] Is that right? Don't you miss the old 636 ...[consults hand] ... Carl?
Carl: I'm not sure which one's better. The "6" is closer to the "3", so you got convenience there, but the "9" has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.
Homer: What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.
Carl: What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it, and that big radio campaign.
Lenny: Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the Space Shuttle, and the 2 weeks we all spent at area code camp.
Homer: Not a single word of warning.

[After Homer didn't win tickets to the Who concert]
Homer: It's not fair! I've been a fan of The Who since the very beginning, when they were The Hillbilly Bugger Boys.
Bart: You should call that radio station and let 'em have it!
Homer: Good idea! [dials the phone and gets the tri-tone again; Bart laughs] You little...! [throttles Bart with the cord; Bart fights back by hitting Homer repeatedly with the receiver until they both end up passing out on the floor]

Lindsey Nagel: I know many of you are upset about the area code change, especially those of you with dynamite strapped to your bodies.

[During the film by the phone company]
Homer: Uh, I have a question, Phoney.
Lisa: It's a movie, Dad.
Homer: Quiet, honey, Daddy's asking the man a question.

Phoney McRingRing: But how will I remember all those numbers? Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?
Chief Wiggum: How big of a monkey?
Phoney McRingRing: Ha, ha. Of course you're not.

Homer: Now, I'm not one to make trouble, but it seems to me that everyone who got to keep the old, or [air quotes] classic 636 area code lives on [points finger accusingly] the rich side of town!
Mr. Burns: Dooh, poppycock!
Female Socialite: Well, I never! [the man next to her is horrified, and his monocle falls into his drinking glass]
Homer: And, as usual, we Joe Twelve-Packs get the royal screw job.
Moe: [stands up] Homer's right. We're getting the Joan Collins special.

Homer: We're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise.
NFL Guy: Hello, sir. I represent the Arizona Cardinals.
Homer: Keep walkin'.

Marge: More wheat cakes, Mr. Mayor?
Homer: Read my lips: Yes. [spills syrup on his "Mayor" sash]
Bart: Dad, you got syrup on your sash.
Homer: No problem. [tugs on the end of his sash; the part with "Mayor" written on it tears off, revealing a pristine new sash underneath; tosses the old one away]
Lisa: Dad, if you ask me...
Homer: [holds up his hand] Stop right there.
Lisa: [peers around his hand] It's stupid to divide the city over something as silly as an area code. It'd be like you and Mom splitting up every time you had a fight.
Homer: Sweetie, you know your mother and I only stay together for the sake of my political career.
Marge: That's not true!
[A cameraman appears at their kitchen window]
Homer: Big grins! [kisses Marge as the cameraman takes their picture] That'll play great in the sticks. [wipes his mouth on his sash, then tears it off to reveal a new one reading, "Time to reorder"] That was 50 already?

[While Milhouse and Bart are playing Frisbee which ends up in Old Springfield]
Jimbo: Hey, look what I found: a novelty flying disc.
Bart: Give it back! It's my novelty flying disc.
Jimbo: You're in Olde Springfield now. Everything on this side of the park belongs to us!
Kearney: Hey! His pants are in our park too!
Dolph: Get him! [the bullies take Bart's pants leaving him in his underwear]
Bart: My homework is in your park!
Kearney: Let's do it! [takes Bart's homework out of his backpack] Yoink!
[Later, the bullies are doing Bart's homework]
Dolph: What does freedom mean to me?

Marge: I don't know why, but I just didn't feel comfortable until I was back here in New Springfield with my own kind.
Lisa: Mom!
Marge: They were looking at me ... with their eyes.

[After Homer cuts the power off in Old Springfield]
Nurse [to Dr. Hibbert]: Oh, no! You can't do heart surgery in the dark.
Dr. Hibbert: Sounds like a wager to me.
Krusty: (on the operating table) I'll take a piece of that.

[When Professor Frink tries to transport Sir Issac Newton, but the power goes off and only his legs and hips are transported]
Professor Frink: Oh, no! Sweet glaven! [the legs chase him around the room, kicking him] Ow, ow! Sir Isaac's legs are hurting!

Mayor Quimby: They got us now. Without water, we're doomed.
Principal Skinner: Wait a minute! What's that gold-colored substance in the riverbed?
Dr. Hibbert: Why, that's gold.
Mr. Burns: We're slightly richer!

[On the Springfield nightly news, Kent Brockman is dressed in gold]
Kent Brockman: With the money made from the gold, Old Springfield was able to buy the Evian water factory and fly it over here from France. [news footage shows several helicopters lowering the Evian water factory into place on the old riverbed]
Homer: [groans]
Kent Brockman: Thanks, Mr. Simpson. Because of you, we're all taking golden showers. [there's laughter offstage] What?

Marge: [to Homer] We can't go on fighting with Old Springfield. These people are our neighbors. We see them every day.
Homer: You're right. We've got to block them from our sight with a giant wall.
Marge: Like the one in Berlin?
Homer: Good idea. We should call the guys they used. [picks up the phone and dials, getting the tri-tone again]
Marge: Homer…
Homer: It's ringing…

Guard: Can I help you?
Homer: Uh …
Bart: Dad, the chloroform.
Homer: Huh? Oh, right. I'll give you this bottle of chloroform if you'll take us to The Who.
Bart: D'oh!

[After the security guard throws Bart and Homer into the Who's hotel room]
Roger: I thought we fired that guard.
Guard: Oh, yeah, right; I got fired by The Who. Whatever you say, pal. [does the "crazy" whistle] Wacko. [twirls his finger in the "nuts" gesture, and leaves]

Homer: I'm Homer Simpson.
John: The mayor of New Springfield?
Homer: That's right.
Roger: The crazy mayor of New Springfield?
Homer: That's right, and I implore you to move your concert to our town. Don't play Old Springfield ... or, as it is sometimes known, Sun City.
Roger: We had a handshake agreement with a concert promoter and that's a sacred bond.
The Who: [together] Sacred Bond.
Homer: Come on, what happened to the angry, defiant Who of "My Generation," "Won't Get Fooled Again," and "Mama's Got a Squeeze Box?"
John: We know our songs, Homer.
Homer: But those Old Springfield squares are just going to make you cut your hair, turn down your music, and wear frilly shirts like Keith Partridge.
Roger: Keith Partridge? Who huddle. [the band huddles to talk things over]
John: We'll do it!
Bart: Yeah!
[Homer and Bart exchange high-fives]
John: Just send the car for us.
Homer: What, something wrong with your legs?
Roger: You're right. The walk will do us good.

Krusty: I opened for The Who at Woodstock. I came out in a Beatle wig with a ukulele. Hendrix said he almost plotzed: his exact words.
Sideshow Mel: [sarcastically] Oh, I never tire of that story.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, why did you iron a crease in these Dungaries? I look like a square!
Smithers: Uuh, that crease is in your leg, sir.
Mr. Burns: Ah, so it is.... yeees.

Moe: Homer stole our rock performance! That fat, dumb, and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.

Mayor Quimby: Give us back our concert, Simpson.
Homer: So, New Springfield's looking pretty good now, isn't it, with our ample parking, and daily Who concerts.
Roger: Daily?
Homer: We'll talk.

John: Oh, please, what's all this fighting about?
Pete: Apparently, they have two different area codes.
Roger: Well, I'll be chuggered. That's the sticky wicket? Why not just buy telephones with auto-ringup, or as you Yanks call it, speed dial. [the crowd murmurs its approval] Radio Shack has some great ones.
Pete: Humph. Says you.

Homer: Well, Marge, looks like your insane experiment is over.
Marge: My experiment? You're the one who came up with this whole idea …
[Homer uses some chloroform on Marge]

Season 11 Season 12 Quotes Season 13
Treehouse of Horror XIA Tale of Two SpringfieldsInsane Clown PoppyLisa the Tree HuggerHomer vs. DignityThe Computer Wore Menace ShoesThe Great Money CaperSkinner's Sense of SnowHOMЯPokey MomWorst Episode EverTennis the MenaceDay of the JackanapesNew Kids on the BlecchHungry, Hungry HomerBye Bye NerdieSimpson SafariTrilogy of ErrorI'm Goin' to PraiselandChildren of a Lesser ClodSimpsons Tall Tales

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