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A Star is Burns/Quotes

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Homer vs. Patty and Selma
A Star is Burns
Lisa's Wedding
[The Springfielders have a town meeting to discuss improving the town's image and attracting more tourism. Marge suggests hosting a film festival and having townspeople enter their own movies.]
Mayor Quimby: All in favor of Marge Simpson's film festival idea?
Crowd: [chanting in unison] Film festival! Film festival!
Marge: You like my idea? Actually, I have several others--
Crowd: [in unison, cutting her off] Don't push your luck! Don't push your luck!

[On TV, Rainier Wolfcastle is appearing on Coming Attractions, Jay Sherman's show. Wolfcastle talks about his new movie, McBain: Let's Get Silly, which depicts him as a comedian, alternating between telling bad jokes and dispatching hecklers (and many other audience members) with various weapons.]
Wolfcastle: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost eighty million dollars.
Jay: [disgusted] How do you sleep at night?
Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
Jay: [even more disgusted] Just asking. Yeesh!

[After reading Marge's invite, Jay Sherman is debating whether to travel to Springfield when Rainier Wolfacastle approaches him.]
Wolfcastle: Sherman, I just realized you insulted me. [He pulls out a rifle]. Now you will die!
Jay: Hey, nudnick... uh, your shoe's untied!
Wolfcastle: From here they appear to be tied, but I will go in for a closer look anyway.
[He bends over to examine his shoes.]
Jay: Taxi! [A taxi pulls up and he gets inside. To the airport!
[The taxi speeds off. Many hours pass until night falls.]
Wolfcastle: On closer inspection, these are loafers.

[At the airport, the Simpsons meet Jay Sherman, who's come to judge the Springfield Film Festival.]
Marge: Hello, I'm Marge Simpson, and this is my husband, Homer.
Jay: Oh, nice to meet you, Marge. I saw your hair from the plane. [to Homer] And this must be the man who didn't know if he had a pimple or a boil.
Homer: It was a Gummi Bear.

[Preparing to make his movie for the film festival, Mr. Burns meets with Señor Spielbergo, his director.]
Burns: Listen, Señor Spielbergo, I want you to do for me what Spielberg did for Oskar Schindler.
Spielbergo: [looking doubtful] Er, Schindler es bueno. Señor Burns es el diablo.
Burns: Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod: We're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, dammit! Now go out there and win me that festival!

[At the Simpson home, Jay Sherman talks with Patty and Selma while Homer watches.]
Patty: Okay, Sherman, you're a movie expert.
Selma: So tell us. Who's gay?
Jay: Oh, I don't know ... Harvey Fierstein.
Selma: No!
Patty: Who else?
[Homer whispers into Jay's ear.]
Jay: Oh. MacGyver's gay.
[Patty and Selma growl and advance on Jay, who cowers from them. Homer giggles.]
[The scene shifts to outside. Jay has been stripped to his underwear and is dangling from the rain gutter by the waistband of his shorts.]
Bart: [seeing Jay and laughing] You badmouthed MacGyver, didn't you?

Dr. Hibbert: [walking to the movies in drag, then seeing the film festival is being held] Oh, I thought they were showing The Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight.

[At the film festival, Hans Moleman's Man Getting Hit by Football has just been shown.]
Homer: [laughing to the point of tears] This contest is over! Give that man the ten thousand dollars!
Jay Sherman: [disapprovingly] This isn't America's Funniest Home Videos.
Homer: But ... the ball! His groin! It works on so many levels! [still laughing] Roll it again!

Mr. Burns: Smithers, are they booing me?
Smithers: Oh, no, sir. They're saying Boo-urns, Boo-urns.
Burns: [to crowd] Are you saying 'boo' or 'Boo-urns'?
Crowd: Boooooooooooo!
Hans Moleman: [to himself] I was saying 'Boo-urns'.

[The jury members are casting their votes for grand prize at the Springfield Film Festival. Jay Sherman is dismayed that Mr. Burns' movie is drawing votes.]
Jay: How can you vote for Burns' movie?
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me ... TO A BIGGER HOUSE!! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

[A remake of Hans Moleman's movie is an Academy Award contender.]
George C. Scott: [on screen, getting hit by football] Ow! My groin!

Season 5 Season 6 Quotes Season 7
Bart of DarknessLisa's RivalAnother Simpsons Clip ShowItchy & Scratchy LandSideshow Bob RobertsTreehouse of Horror VBart's GirlfriendLisa on IceHomer BadmanGrampa vs. Sexual InadequacyFear of FlyingHomer the GreatAnd Maggie Makes ThreeBart's CometHomie the ClownBart vs. AustraliaHomer vs. Patty and SelmaA Star is BurnsLisa's WeddingTwo Dozen and One GreyhoundsThe PTA Disbands'Round SpringfieldThe Springfield ConnectionLemon of TroyWho Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)

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