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Today, I Am a Clown
'Tis the Fifteenth Season
Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays
Krusty: Happy Thanksgiving from the entire Channel Six family, including Kent Brockman, who’s contractually permitted to replace himself with a cardboard cut-out. The real Kent is in a rehab clinic. We all wish him the best…again.

Krusty: Now in the spirit of the season…start shopping!! And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.

Marge: Christmas is a time to think of others, but today you show you only care about yourself.
Homer: That’s not true! I cared what you thought once you found out.

Nelson: Someone snuck in and took our presents! Do you think it was papa?
Mrs. Muntz: I wouldn't put it past him. He stole my gold tooth the night he left.
Nelson: He didn't leave…he went to the store, and when he comes back I'll wave those Pop Tarts right in your face!

Flanders: That Homer just burns my waffles! (starts tugging his moustache) Pain is the cleanser! Pain is the cleanser!

Homer: Let's just say that on this day, a million years ago, a dude was born who most of us think was magic, but others don't and that's cool. But we're probably right. Amen.

Homer: Children? Children! What day is this?
Lisa: It's Saturday, December 6th.
Homer: Thank God! There's still four more days 'til Christmas.

Todd: Daddy, are you jealous of Brother Homer?
Flanders: Maybe just a tad, Todd.
Rod: I'm jealous of girls cause they get to wear dresses.
Flanders: One problem at a time, boy!

Homer: [after burning the Christmas tree] Aw, why do things I love always burn?!

Snake: Hoa, I've been robbed! Man, so this is how it feels, I better see my shrink, and rob his ass.

Hans Moleman: That’s my last flare, somebody better come soon! [wolves approach Hans and howl] Oh thank goodness, rescue dogs. [the wolves start growling at Hans]

Homer: They don't sound happy, but here comes a mob shaking their fists in gratitude.
[Crowds yelling]
Cookie Kwan: Give back our presents, stupid man!
Drederick Tatum: Your behavior, it's like-- it's like, not sanctioned by any governing body. You're like, wild.


Season 14 Season 15 Quotes Season 16
Treehouse of Horror XIVMy Mother the CarjackerThe President Wore PearlsThe Regina MonologuesThe Fat and the FurriestToday, I Am a Clown'Tis the Fifteenth SeasonMarge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and GaysI, D'oh-BotDiatribe of a Mad HousewifeMargical History TourMilhouse Doesn't Live Here AnymoreSmart and SmarterThe Ziff Who Came to DinnerCo-Dependent's DayThe Wandering JuvieMy Big Fat Geek WeddingCatch 'Em if You CanSimple SimpsonThe Way We Weren'tBart-Mangled BannerFraudcast News
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